


Jealousy

by aesoprock



Category: South Park
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Banter, Friends to Enemies, Friends to Lovers, High School, Light Angst, Love/Hate, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Mood Swings, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Secrets, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, when I say slow burn I mean REALLY slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:55:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 28,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23903479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aesoprock/pseuds/aesoprock
Summary: after clyde exhibits some shady behavior on a camping trip with token's parents, craig develops a crush on kyle.clyde doesn't seem to like that very much.published 4/29/20 - 7/16/20
Relationships: Clyde Donovan/Craig Tucker, Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak (Past), Kyle Broflovski/Craig Tucker (brief)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> don't know what my update schedule will be but whatever! its ok. wrote this for fun mostly on a whim so i might run out of ideas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fixed it 5/1/20 at 11:12 pm. give it a re-read

“Looks like there’s not enough room,” Token spoke. The smell of freshly fallen rain on black pavement filled my nostrils, and I stood, inhaling the scent. I always loved the feeling of humidity hanging in the air, although I prefer it to be actually raining instead of just drizzling. 

Jimmy lifted his chin. “Thuh-thruh-throw Cruh-Craig in the tr-trunk. He’s sk-skinny enough.”

After giving Jimmy a dirty look, I turned to Token. “If your parents take two different cars, we’ll have enough room.” Token nodded in agreement, but unfortunately, his stupid mom had to butt in. I like his mom, she’s nice and all, but she makes you feel like you’re in debt to her for all of the stuff she does. Like cooking, and washing your clothes after falling down on streaks of melting snow and mud, and other stuff. But she’s always nice about doing things for you. Sometimes it feels like she’s fake-nice, though. I kind of hate people like that, but she’s Token’s mom, and she’s rich, so I don’t say anything about it.

“Oh, don’t worry, boys. It’ll be okay! Four of you can fit in the back seat, right?” she smiled. “Craig wouldn’t fit in the trunk. That’s where your bags are going, and our tents. It doesn’t matter how skinny he is.”

I stared at her. I’m not even that skinny. Tweek’s skinnier than I am.

Tweek’s standing a few yards away in the parking lot, his bag in his hands, staring down at the pavement. He’s always nervous. Not about stuff like this, camping and all, but just everything. Ever since we broke up, he’s been distant from the group, but Jimmy and Token say that we still need to include him. I don’t get why. He doesn’t seem like he wants to be included. And we broke up a long time ago, too, but he acts like it was recent and like it still bothers him. It irritates me, honestly, but I don’t show it. I try to still be nice to him even if he’s a pain in the ass. I know he doesn’t have any other friends to fall back on. Even I wouldn’t want to hang out with Stan and those guys. Kyle is okay, but the rest of them bug me.

Anyway, all of us get around to putting our bags in the trunk and trying to squeeze ourselves in the back seat. Tweek sits in the front with Token’s mom and dad. I wasn’t sure who decided that, maybe Token volunteered his seat, but either way I didn’t care. They would have to take the liberties of calming him down.

Clyde was sitting on the far right. I was next to him, Token was on my left, and Jimmy was on the far left. Turns out, we all can’t squeeze into the backseat. Tweek watches us as if something terrible is going to happen. But he’s exactly right. Something terrible does happen, and it happens to me, of all people. 

“Clyde’s t-tuh-too fat!” Jimmy exclaims, and I kind of feel bad for him because he’s barely sitting on the edge of the seat, and he’s crippled. “Get i-ih-in the t-trunk, Craig.”

“I’m not going in the fucking trunk. Somebody else is going to ha-”

“I’m not fat!” Clyde defends himself. “I’m just big boned. Why don’t you go in the trunk, Jimmy?”

He’s not fat, actually. The problem is Token’s mom trying to fit four 15 year old boys into the back seat of a car, two of which are football players. Clyde has some fat, sure, but he has a lot of muscle too. Not in a sexy way. In an asshole, flexes his muscles every two seconds kind of way. If he had any personality outside of playing football and talking about girls, he could be attractive. 

“I’m not g-going in the truh-truh-trunk! Why would you say that?”

Token breaks into the conversation with a long sigh. “Craig, you’re the skinniest one here. Maybe just sit on Clyde’s lap?” He looks at me as if he’s begging, and I know he’s only suggesting it because he wants to get going already. His parents don’t look irritated. Yet.

It made sense, but I didn’t want to do it. I couldn’t think of a single person who would want to sit on Clyde’s lap. “No. Why don’t you sit on his lap?” I suggested, watching how uncomfortable it made him. When you’re gay, people assume you like everyone that isn’t a girl. It’s annoying. Part of me regrets coming out, but that just means that Tweek and I would’ve had to keep our relationship a secret when we were dating. Coming out hasn’t gotten me very far, though.

“Because you’re lighter! It just makes sense!” he sighs. “Come on. Clyde, you’re okay with it, right?” Clyde doesn’t respond.

I remembered Tweek all of a sudden. “Then why doesn’t Tweek do it? He’s the skinniest.”

“Gah! N-Not… no. Not me. Can’t be me.”

Rolling my eyes, I turned to Token. “You suck. You really do.” But then I remembered that I was in a car with his parents, so I shut up and turned to Clyde, because I didn’t want Token’s parents to say anything about it. He was giving me this look, this smug ass look, that made me want to punch him in the face. He has the most punchable face in the world, aside from maybe Stan Marsh and Cartman. Jason White is pretty punchable too. Sometimes I want to punch Scott Malkinson, but I don’t, because I feel bad for him. He’s not even mean or an asshole or anything, just kind of annoying.

I look over at Jimmy and Token one last time, accepting my fate. Usually I don’t like taking one for the team, because I know Tweek and Clyde never would if they had to, but I only did it because of Token’s parents. If they weren’t here, I would be up in arms and still arguing about who sits on someone’s lap. 

Giving Token the stink eye, I lifted myself onto Clyde’s lap. Token’s parents are both invested in their phones, which is good, but everyone else is watching me, including Tweek. I sigh, pulling my earbuds out of my pocket. I already know that it’ll be a long drive to the campgrounds.


	2. Chapter 2

I shifted my legs underneath me, glad that Clyde had some meat on his thighs. It was pretty good cushioning, considering I was sitting on his lap. But only twelve minutes had passed, and I was already regretting coming along to the camping trip. I could’ve spent my spring break in much better ways, like laying on my bed with Stripe and watching TV, or making a fake Tinder and texting people weird things to piss them off. Or doing anything else. Seriously.

Not that anybody was bothering me. Except for Clyde, who I had to sit on, coincidentally. He kept poking me in the back, so I turned to the side, with my back against the door. Then he started poking me in the gut. It pissed me off, but he eventually stopped.

Jimmy was playing Pokemon: Omega Ruby on his DS, completely invested. I could see his screen from where I was sitting, and he was in a battle. Jimmy’s pretty good at video games, but Omega Ruby isn’t really multiplayer, so there wasn’t a lot of competition. Token’s parents were explaining to Tweek why bears and wild animals won’t kill us when we get to camp or something, and Token had already managed to fall asleep, the side of his head resting on the headrest behind him. He was facing Jimmy, thankfully. It would be pretty weird to have a sleeping person facing you, because you never know if they’re actually sleeping. But, only twelve minutes in. Pure daylight. He could’ve just been tired from waking up early, but it takes me at least an hour to get to sleep every night, and that’s only if I take sleeping pills. I was jealous of him, in a way. But I didn’t want to fall asleep, because I knew Clyde would just keep waking me up if I did. I kind of wished I would’ve kept pushing for Token to sit on his lap instead, but I knew his parents wouldn’t think very highly of me after it all went down. Maybe I should stop caring about what they think. Really.

Clyde was underneath me, doing god knows what. He wasn’t really talking to me, since I had earbuds in, but I could tell he wanted to. I didn’t take them out for him, no matter how pitiful he looked. I was listening to a playlist that I made the night before, specifically for this occasion. 

That’s when it happened. I was staring into space, probably watching Jimmy’s screen as I thought about the music playing. He pulled one of my earbuds out, and I figured he was going to put it in his own ear and criticize my taste in music, but he didn’t. 

Instead, he whispered, “You have a nice ass.” And then he gave me that same smug look, like the one he gave me just before I had to sit on his lap. Clyde’s really annoying sometimes, but he’s fun to tease, if you’re in the mood to ever tease him back. I wasn’t in the mood this time.

I knew he was joking, but it still bothered me. After putting my earbud back in my ear, I punched him as hard as I could in the arm. Clyde made a stupid sound and held his arm in pain. He got all butthurt and punched me back, and it hurt, but I didn’t let him know that. I just kept a straight face, because I didn’t want to boost Clyde’s ego any more than I had to. 

“I was just joking,” he muttered, looking offended.

“Wow. You’re really funny. Going to get all of the ladies with that one, I’m sure.”

Clyde gave me a sore look, but he didn’t say anything. He took my earbud out again and put it in his right ear without saying a word. This was surprising to me, because he’s always bitching about the music no matter what I put on, but this time he didn’t say anything.

A few songs went by, and I was tired of the door handle jutting into my back, so I moved back around to where I was in the beginning. Big mistake. He touched me this time- my ass, I mean- and whispered, “I wasn’t actually joking, by the way. You do have a nice ass.”

I looked over, just making sure Token was still asleep and Jimmy was still invested in Pokemon. They were. Token’s mom had a map of the campground out in the passengers’ seat, and she was pointing things out to Tweek. I took a risk and scooted backward- closer- to Clyde, before grinding against his dick.. Sounds gross, I know, but I did it to prove a point. Then I gritted my teeth and said, “Touch me again, I dare you.” Still being quiet, of course. I only said that because I thought he would stop. 

“Okay,” he said, before groping me. He did it with no hesitation. I was furious at that point. Grabbing him by the wrist, I tore his hand away and turned around to face him, kind of straddling him now. 

I glared at him. “I’m not joking.” The gay jokes I could handle, but this was a whole different level. 

Clyde looked at me. “Neither am I.” But he didn’t smile, or give me that stupid smug look that made me want to punch him. He was just fucking with me, keeping a perfectly straight face. 

The car made a turn, and before I could think of anything to say back, Token’s mother started getting out of the car. We were in a McDonald’s parking lot. McDonald’s wasn’t that bad, but first thing in the morning? McDonalds’ breakfast sucked. The biscuits were dry, and the bacon made me have stomach issues. 

I opened the door as soon as possible, not planning on eating anything. This was my chance to get away from Clyde and figure out what the fuck he was trying to do.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they go to mcdonalds wow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this update took forever, i really have no excuse haha. enjoy mcdonalds.

Clyde jabbed his fork into his biscuit, cutting it apart with his plastic knife. I stared at him from across the table.

Jimmy, Token, and Token’s parents were sitting at the table in front of me. Clyde initially wanted the two of us to sit alone, but Tweek said too many people gave him claustrophobia, and he decided to sit with us. Right next to me, of course. 

I wasn’t sure if I was glad or annoyed that Tweek had to sit with us. On one hand, Clyde wouldn’t pull any weird shit like he did in the car if he knew someone was watching. But on the other hand, I couldn’t talk to him about it with Tweek around. But did I really want to know what was up with Clyde?

“You’re not hungry?” Clyde asked me, staring down at my parfait. I hadn’t taken a bite yet, and honestly, I didn’t want to. I chose the parfait because I thought it was the only thing I could stomach, but I’d lost my appetite. Tweek had a sausage egg biscuit concoction sitting on the wrapping in front of him, and he wasn’t eating, either. Before I realized it, I was having flashbacks to when we were dating. Tweek never ate when there was something huge bothering him, but would nibble on his food and spit some of it out later instead. He did have coffee, though, which was comforting, knowing he wouldn’t hit a withdrawal later in the day and go fucking bonkers at camp. That was the last thing we- I- needed. A rabid Tweek. 

Then I realized something. How could Tweek sit in a car full of seven people if enclosed spaces made him claustrophobic, yet not be able to sit in a booth with Token and his parents? I glanced at him. He was fiddling with a loose string on his shirt, staring at the surface of our table. Some crumbs that a worker neglected to wipe up. 

I slid my parfait to Clyde’s side of the table, not wanting it to go to waste, and knowing that two sausage gravy biscuits wouldn’t fill him up anyway. Our table was pretty much dead silent, compared to Token’s table, where Jimmy and his parents were talking and laughing heartily. There was only one other family in the building, and they sat far away. The silence wasn’t exactly awkward, but Clyde would usually be the one to fill up space in this situation by blabbing his head off, and he wasn’t doing that. 

Clyde only stared back at me. “Is it not good? No wonder you’re so skinny, Craig. You don’t eat.” He took another bite of his biscuits and gravy. “You want something else?”

“No,” I said stiffly. Clyde never cared much about my eating habits before. I briefly considered the idea of Clyde developing a crush on me, but it didn’t sit right with me. Clyde wasn’t gay. Tweek and I were the only gay guys in South Park, and even two gay guys in a small town was a stretch. Aside from Mr. Garrison, but he doesn’t count. Clyde was the kind of person to develop a crush and then relentlessly tease and show off around them. Always girls. If said girl had eating problems, he wasn’t one to care about it. In fact, he would make jokes about it to make her feel worse. So what Clyde had wasn’t a crush.

Maybe he was just coming to his senses and starting to care about his friends’ well being?

Yeah, right.

He reminded me of Stan and Kenny in that sense. Showing off. Acting like hot shit. Kenny was just perverted, but he was good at getting girls. Stan was not. Cartman could only get a girl if he manipulated one into dating him, and Kyle didn’t care much for girls. Or maybe he did, and just didn’t show it. Maybe Kyle was gay, like me.

That idea kind of excited me. I could have a chance with Kyle, even if it meant I had to deal with Stan whenever the two of us hung out together. 

Token was very selective in his relationships, having only dated Wendy and Nicole before. I’m not sure if the Wendy thing was just to spite Stan (I wouldn’t blame him if it was), but he’s very reserved in his relationships. I think. Tweek’s gay, and Jimmy didn’t seem to care for girls either. 

Good for him.

While lost in my thoughts about Kyle, Clyde kicked me from underneath the table, which brought me back to the situation. Clyde wanted me to eat.

“If I eat any more than a tablespoon of yogurt, I will puke. And it’ll be on you.” A lie. A total lie. I wasn’t nauseous at all, just not hungry. I never ate breakfast after waking up. 

That shut him up, though. He nodded and returned his attention to his biscuits and gravy, devouring the last bite before scraping the bottom of the styrofoam for extra bits of sausage that he missed. Once he was done, he moved onto my parfait. I took a sip of my Sprite, and as if he were watching me, Tweek copied what I did with his cup of coffee. Like a child imitating his father. I didn’t want to baby Tweek and tell him to start eating, so I kept quiet.

I didn’t miss dating Tweek at all, but I did miss the days before dating him. When all of us were just friends, and there wasn’t this awkward tension between the two of us (and the entire group, for that matter.) It wasn’t my fault things turned out this way, and it wasn’t Tweek’s fault, but things went wrong somewhere. Token and Jimmy don’t blame anybody, thankfully, but Clyde pokes fun at me sometimes for it.

“Gonna go piss,” I muttered, standing up from the booth. “You two have fun.” I made my way to the bathroom, cringing at the feeling of my shoes sticking to the floor as I walked. I’m not sure why I expected any better from a McDonald’s in the middle of fucking nowhere, but I knew the bathroom wouldn’t be much better. Guys probably pissed all over the floor and the janitors would rather die than mop that up and linger in the scent of it.

I pushed open the door and stood in front of the sink. The place didn’t reek too badly of piss. After taking my hat off, I splashed my face with water. That’s what they did in movies after having some crazy shit happen to them, so I thought it would make me feel better. It didn’t.


	4. Chapter 4

I assumed that Clyde would stop touching me once we got back in the car. And for a while, I was right. We sat and listened to my Spotify playlist after Clyde ridiculed me for not having AirPods, and demanding that we used his. I connected his stupid AirPods to my phone and we each put an AirPod in one ear, listening to Brockhampton or Travis Scott or whatever the hell happened to come on within that twenty minute period.

While I was reaching for my Sprite down in the cupholder, trying not to wake Token up because he’d fallen back asleep, Clyde grabbed my ass again. I clenched my teeth and took my Sprite, sitting up straight and taking a sip, pretending it didn’t get to me. But it did. And it might’ve felt nice if it weren’t him doing it, because I knew what his intention was- he just wanted to piss me off and make me act out by punching him or yelling at him or something. 

It went on like that for a while, him groping and pinching me through my jeans, and he was slick because he was doing it with his right hand, which meant nobody else could see. From the left side, to Token or Jimmy, it would look like nothing was happening.

A Frank Ocean song came on. I shut my eyes and tried to ignore him- Clyde, I mean- but it wasn’t working. It was one of those sad Frank Ocean songs, too. I let my head rest against the window and I started to wonder how I could get him to stop. The most obvious course of action would be cutting his hand off, or twisting his fingers back so hard that he cried. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a chainsaw or a pocket knife to start hacking at his wrist, and I didn’t want to permanently cripple him anyway. He might need those fingers or that hand someday, for football or copying off of my homework or whatever. 

Then I figured any sane person would tell someone, but that would just be plain awkward. Like, ‘hey Token’s mom and dad, Clyde is groping me because he knows I’m gay.’ And Clyde could deny the whole thing, but Jimmy, Token and Tweek would know the truth. Clyde pulls stuff like this all the time, but this time it was too far. 

So, with removing Clyde’s fingers and telling Token’s parents out of the question, I was starting to run out of options. Grabbing Clyde’s ass back wouldn’t work, only because I couldn’t reach it. 

I could grab his dick. 

Ew. I didn’t want to do that either, but it was the closest to “fighting back” that I could get. 

Reluctantly, I took my Sprite into my left hand and reached back behind me with my right. The right side was safe, like I said, shielded by the car door and our bodies. I was only vaguely aware that what I was doing was disgusting, but I was so angry and eager for payback that I didn’t care. Clyde tensed up underneath me, but he didn’t say anything or stop what he was doing.

The Frank Ocean song morphed into Denzel Curry, but I wasn’t paying attention. I was only keeping track of the people around me, making sure that they weren’t aware of what was going on. Token’s parents would be either disgusted or pissed if they knew, and Token would never look at us the same way again.

“Craig, stop,” Clyde hissed.

I rolled my eyes, keeping my focus on the front seat, where Tweek and Token’s parents sat. Tweek was doing something on his phone, maybe playing a game. “Is it bothering you?” I whispered back, a hint of edge in my voice. Maybe this would work after all. 

“Yes, it is,” he replied. “So stop. And this song sucks. Change it.”

“Denzel Curry does not suck, dude, this is his best album. And if you would keep your fucking hands to yourself, I wouldn’t have done anything to begin with,” I whispered back. I grabbed Clyde’s offending hand and held it in place, my left hand still clutching the Sprite. My phone sat on my lap, the Denzel Curry song still playing. “Fuck you.”

Clyde yanked his hand away from mine and let it rest near his side. “Imperial is not his best album, idiot.” He raised his voice a little, but not much. We were talking about something relatively normal now, so I wasn’t mad.

“Yes it is. I bet you like Zuu, when half of the songs on that fucking album aren’t even real songs, or they aren’t good. Imperial is way better.”

Clyde let out a sigh of relief when the song changed. “No, not Zuu. Tattoo. Or Unlocked. And you know I’m right.”

“No you’re fucking not,” I growled back, but ultimately, I was glad that I got him to stop touching me. Even if he was talking shit about Denzel Curry’s best album.

Peace fell amongst the car for the first time in what felt like decades.


	5. Chapter 5

Before I knew it, I was back in school, roaming the hallways aimlessly. 

The camping trip had gone fine, and Clyde stopped touching me after the incident in the car. He jokingly flirted with me and made sexual jokes every chance he got, but that was just a Clyde thing. I pushed it away in my mind and figured that he was just trying to be a prick.

I was thinking about Kyle again. I liked him best out of Stan’s gang, and he was pretty cute. Kyle didn’t care about girls much, like I said a few chapters ago, which means he could be gay- and thank god for that. 

“Stan!”

Someone started to run down the hallway, but I knew that voice. It was Kyle’s. There was only one person in this whole damn school who could be so excited to see Stan Marsh, and it was kind of funny that it wasn’t his girlfriend. It would’ve been sad, too, if I cared about Stan Marsh at all. I turned around, smiling. “Hi, Kyle.”

Kyle stopped in his tracks. “Oh,” he grinned, laughing awkwardly. This happened a lot. Kyle would see me and think I was Stan or something, and tackle me or hug me from behind. Once he grabbed my hand before he realized I wasn’t Stan. I didn’t mind it, though. It was cute seeing him like that, even if I was disappointed his excitement wasn’t towards seeing me.

It also kind of offended me, though. Looking like Stan Marsh wasn’t exactly a compliment.

“Well, um, hi Craig. You skipping lunch or something?” 

He stood by my side. I stared down at him. “I could ask you the same thing.”

“Oh, no,” he grinned. “I had to get something to PC Principal. Hey, do you wanna sit with me?” Kyle asked, staring up at me and smiling. God, he was fucking cute. I could’ve kissed him right then and there if I wanted to.

“I have to deal with Cartman and Stan?”

Kyle looked down at the tile. “Well, um, if you don’t want to it’s fine. But you could always try to ignore them. I dunno.”

I was surprised that Kyle was upset that I didn’t want to sit with him. But the Cartman thing was just a joke. I wasn’t going to pass up this opportunity. “No, I’ll sit with you. I just don’t understand your choice in friends.”

“Oh, Cartman isn’t a choice,” he said grimly, looking at me again. “And Stan really isn’t that bad, you know. I don’t get why you two hate each other.”

I shake my head. “Yes, he is that bad. And why don’t you tell Cartman to piss off?”

Kyle rolls his eyes and pushes the cafeteria door open. “Trust me. I tell him all the time, but Kenny threatens to leave the group if Cartman goes. I don’t get it. Butters sits with us too, and he’s fine. I’d take Butters over Cartman any day.”

Deciding not to say anything, I grab a tray and start piling random food on top of it. I want Kyle to keep talking. He’s pretty cute, you know, when he talks a lot. Even if he’s talking about something he doesn’t like, and he’s angry, it’s still cute. Kyle grabs a tray too.

“Well, I can afford to lose Kenny and Cartman, but I like Kenny. Kenny’s cool. But if Cartman AND Kenny AND Butters leave, then it’ll just be me and Stan. And then the weird kids will start sitting with us, like Scott Malkinson.” Kyle pauses. “Okay, Scott Malkinson isn’t that bad. Compared to Cartman.”

I snicker to myself quietly. “Yeah, you don’t want to be left alone with Stan, right? Because he sucks?” We’re the only ones left in the line, because everyone else is sitting at their tables. The cafeteria ladies are cooking more food in the back for the next wave of students. 

Kyle punches me in the arm, but he’s smiling. It hurts, though- Kyle doesn’t look that tough, but he plays basketball. “Shut up. Stan’s cool.” He grabs a carton of milk and we leave. I sit down next to him at Stan’s table.

“Ooh, looks like Stan’s got some competition. Kyle, is this your new boyfriend?” Cartman jeers. Kyle rolls his eyes and grabs his plastic fork, starting to eat.

Butters smiles and waves at me. I ignore him. “Oh, hey dude. Um, where were you?” Stan says to Kyle, and then he pauses. “And why’s he here?”

“Why not, Stan? And I was running errands for PC Principal. Don’t worry.”

“Kyle’s got THREE boyfriends?” Cartman pipes in again. I give him an angry glare, but he seems to not notice me. 

Kyle sets down his fork. “More than you’ll ever get in your life.”

“Joke’s on you, Kahl. I don’t want three boyfriends.”

“Yeah right! You know most homophobic people turn out to be gay later in life? That’s you.”

Butters frowns. “Aw, come on, don’t be pickin’ on Eric. If he is gay, there’s nothin’ wrong with that.”

The three of them go on like this for a while. I stab the top of my juicebox with my straw and start drinking. 

I get lost in their banter, forgetting that I have another group of friends that I’m supposed to be sitting with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont worry. this is still a cryde fanfiction, not a cryle one.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that 1. this chapter is so short and 2. i havent updated in a while. i've been listening to tyler the creator, masturbating, and reading stephen king for the last 4 days

Things went on as usual, with me sitting next to Kyle and his gang at lunch. Kyle and I were growing closer, and things were pretty good, until one day at lunch when fucking Clyde had to come over and ruin it all.

It was baked potato day. Every Friday is baked potato day, and I was enjoying my cheesy bacon bits potato concoction when Clyde walked over to our table. I ignored him. I figured he was going to pass us up and grab a fork from the front or something, but he paused right behind my seat.

“Enjoying your new friends, Craig?” he snapped. 

Kyle and I both turned around to face him. “Yeah,” I said honestly. I didn’t miss my old group of friends much at all- aside from maybe Token. Jimmy was nice, but his shitty jokes took a lot to sit through every lunch period.

“Good to hear. Nobody misses you over there, either.” 

Clyde turned and started to walk away, and I only felt a little bad for him. He sounded genuinely hurt, but I knew he was trying to guilt me into going back over there.

“Hey, what if he sat with you guys once every other day or something?” Kyle spoke up. That would’ve been a good idea-- if I wanted to sit with them in the first place. “Or maybe he sits with you guys at breakfast and with us at lunch?” he goes on.

Clyde turned back around. “Craig doesn’t eat breakfast. Nice try, though. Tell me, Kyle, how big is his dick? You know, since you’re all over it and stuff.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Kyle muttered, his face turning red. “What, do you like him or something? Is that why you’re so jealous?” He was fuming at that point. I wanted both of them to shut up, because I didn’t want Kyle to be upset, but Clyde’s reactions were too hilarious just to shut the whole thing down. I decided to stay out of it and watch until things got too serious.

“What?! No, I don’t like him! You do!”

“You’re the one upset that he’s made new friends. Not Token or Tweek or Jimmy.” Kyle stood up from his seat. “If you like him, why don’t you just tell him?”

“I DON’T!”

We had the whole cafeteria’s attention after he started yelling. “I don’t fucking like him! You do, Kyle! Fuck you!” He reached up and wiped away a few tears with his sleeve, and I hadn’t even noticed that he’d been crying until he did it.

Kyle didn’t say anything back. He was frozen in place, staring at Clyde, almost horrified. He looked like he just hit a baby or something. I took a step forward to comfort Clyde, but he punched me in the nose and started running. 

I didn’t know where he was heading, but I followed him. Clyde was just upset, and this situation could’ve been solved easily. I just needed to talk to him.

Right?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating for a while. i have no excuse

Clyde was crying like a baby on the floor in the boys’ bathroom, and I wanted it to stop, but I didn’t know how to comfort him, so I sat down on the sticky piss-stained floor and put my arm around him. Token was the best in the group at consoling him, and I tried to think of what he would do in this situation, but nothing came to mind. This seemed like the best thing at the moment.

He punched me again, not as hard as the first time, but he got me smack in the nose. Soon enough, blood started to run over my lips and down my chin. I didn’t get up to clean it or anything. I just sat there with him, watching him blubber incomprehensible words until his breathing steadied and he could form coherent thoughts.

“I don’t know why you hate me, Craig!” That was the first sentence I could make out. “I don’t know why! If it’s that thing in the car, I- it was a joke, and I just wanted to piss you off.” Clyde sniffled, and then reached up to wipe his nose. I always thought it was gross when people had snot running down their face, especially babies, but Clyde was heartbroken, so I guess that excused it. “You didn’t have to fucking ignore me.”

“I didn’t ignore you,” I reminded him. “You didn’t say anything to me until today.”

Clyde took a deep breath and shivered, although it wasn’t that cold in the bathroom. “Well, I texted you!”

“You sent me an iMessage game. It was beer pong. And you lost.”

Huffing, he raised his hands to his head and rested his elbows on his knees. “Whatever, Craig. Whatever.”

Kenny came out of the far left stall, and watched us as he crossed over to the door. “You’re not even going to wash your hands?” I asked him, momentarily forgetting that Clyde was next to me.

“I didn’t shit,” he said, muffled behind his parka.

I blinked at him. “What did you do then?”

“Number three,” he grinned. I could only tell he was grinning because wrinkles formed around his eyes. 

Glancing back over at Clyde, I decided to let Kenny go. I didn’t want to hear about how he jerked off in the stall. “If you wanted to talk, you could’ve told me,” I said. “I wasn’t trying to ignore you, I was-” I lowered my voice. “Kind of sick of Tweek.”

“Well, I did! Okay? I wanted to talk. But I didn’t think you cared.”

I sighed. People always talk about how girls are so complicated and emotional, but they’re really not. Not when you look at someone like Clyde. Or someone like Cartman, who cries when you call him out on his shit, or smack him in the face a little too hard. “Why wouldn’t I care, Clyde?”

“Because you like Kyle. Right? You’re friends with him now.”

“No! I don’t like Kyle,” I lied. Sometimes you have to lie, especially to someone like Clyde, or they’ll go flapping their stupid lips around and tell everyone your business. “I can’t be friends with you and him? I have to take sides now?”

Clyde rolled his eyes and wiped his nose again. “You don’t come to my house anymore, or talk to me, and you always make stupid fucking googly eyes at him.”

“I do not!”

“Yes you do,” Clyde muttered, standing up. I was happy about this, because it meant I wouldn’t have to sit on the sticky piss anymore. “Just keep hanging out with them. I don’t care.”

He clearly did care, because he went all this way to cause a scene. But I had to reason with him. Clyde was going to be pouty and fussy until he got what he wanted, so I decided to give it to him. I didn’t hate hanging out with him, and it wasn’t like Kyle was inviting me to his house on the same day. “Fine. Do you want to come to my house tomorrow night? You can sleep over.”

Clyde stopped in his tracks, turning around to face me. “Just me? Or do you want everyone else over too?”

“Up to you. Can be just us if you want.”

He smiled, but his eyes were still veiny and red from crying. “‘Kay,” he whispered, grabbing the door handle. “Sorry for touching your ass.”

“Fuck you, Clyde.”

Clyde’s smile only grew wider. I decided not to punch him this time and let him be, only because he was crying just two minutes ago. Punching him seemed counterproductive after the damage control I had to do, although it only took six minutes.

I thought about what Clyde said, about me liking Kyle. So what if I did? Why would he care about something like that?

As the bathroom door slammed shut, I stared down at my shoes.

Sticky.


	8. Chapter 8

Clyde said he wanted to bring everyone over to my house for our sleepover, which kind of irritated me at first, but I remembered how hard he cried in the bathroom on Thursday so I sucked it up and got around to cleaning my room before everyone started to arrive. The worst of my worries was Tweek. Token and Jimmy were decent to get along with and entertain, but I was afraid Tweek might do something stupid. I made extra caution to take the coffee pods out of the cabinet and set them on the kitchen counter, in plain sight, in case of an emergency. Even if we weren’t dating, I still worried and cared about him. 

Once I figured I had everything up to… well, any normal teenage boy’s standards, I sat down on my bed with a book and started to read. I was re-reading The Martian for the fifth time, because I really had nothing better to do. I had started some other sci-fi book, but it turned out to be pretty shitty, so I stopped reading it. 

Token was the first one to get there, not surprising me one bit. He poked fun at me for reading, and I figured I should tell him it was something for school, but I realized I wasn’t talking to Clyde and decided not to. Token actually paid attention in our classes to know it wasn’t for an assignment, and he knew me well enough. The teasing wasn’t that bad, anyway.

Second to arrive was, unfortunately, Tweek. But he left my bedroom early to go make coffee, which I was glad about. Less dealing with him.

“So, you’ve got a.. thing for Kyle?” Token asked me, once he sat down next to me on my bed. I did, in fact, have a thing for Kyle, but I wasn’t going to tell him the truth. No way. I trusted him, but things could always go wrong.

“No.”

He nodded and bit his lip, as if I were saying something inspirational. “You sure?” 

“Yes.”

“Well, if you did have a crush on him, I wouldn’t blame you. He is kind of cute.”

I rolled my eyes. “You called him ugly last month. Because his face broke out.”

Token smiled. “Yeah? Well, his pimples died down a little. But for a ginger…” he mumbled. I guess he was trying to… convince me that Kyle was cute? I already had my mind made about that.

“You’re not even gay.” I checked my phone, wondering when Clyde or Jimmy would get here. The sooner they arrived, the sooner this conversation would end.

“I know. But for you, Kyle is…” We were interrupted by Tweek bursting through the door.

“Gotta go. My… my mom, agh, wants me at the shop.”

I set my phone down. “Why?” Not that I cared much, but it seemed like the right thing to say at that moment.

“I… I don’t know. You think I’m in trouble?” he asked, speaking so fast that his words almost merged together. “I told her that I was…” Tweek started, looking down at the coffee cup in his hands. “Oh, can I take this? Ack. Sorry.”

Nodding, I stood up. “You won’t be in trouble,” I told him, even if I had no clue. Part of me was glad to have him out of my hair, the other part of me was wondering if he truly was in trouble. It would suck if he was, but it wasn’t my problem, and if he did something wrong it was his fault for getting caught.

Tweek nodded, almost spilling his coffee as he moved to turn around. His fingers twitched around the mug handle as he left my bedroom. “S-Sorry I couldn’t stay. Bye.”

“See you Monday.”

And just like that, he was gone, and I was stuck with stupid Token who was interrogating me. “Soo… maybe you don’t like Kyle. Maybe it’s Stan.”

“Fuck off,” I grumbled, glancing down at my phone again as I sat down on the bed. Jimmy texted me, but no Clyde. Jimmy had said that he was on his way. Good. “Stan is ugly, and he’s a mess. Even if he were cute I wouldn’t date him. I couldn’t put up with him.”

“But you put up with Tweek,” Token mentioned.

“That’s completely different.”

Token rolled his eyes. “You know, I don’t even care who you like. I’m only asking because Clyde seems so obsessed with it, he’s making it into some big conspiracy.” He paused, only to plop down on my bed and stare up at the ceiling. “Why do you hang out with Stan’s gang at lunch anyway?”

“Because Kyle and I are friends.”

“Yeah. I can see that. But you have to deal with Stan AND Cartman, and honestly, is Kyle really worth it? If I were you, I wouldn’t purposefully put myself next to Cartman, even if there was a cute girl that was near him all the time.”

“Yeah. If I sit with you guys I have to deal with Tweek.” I paused, regretting my word choice. “It’s weird still having to see him. Since he’s my ex.” A total lie, but it saved my ass anyway. “And Stan leaves me alone mostly.”

Token nodded and let his hands rest on his stomach. “Kenny is kind of cool. Nothing against Kyle. Kenny just seems chill.”

“He is,” I say absently. 

“Hey, guys,” Clyde says from the doorway.

I look over at him. “Oh, hey, man. I was starting to get worried.”

Clyde smiled and sat between Token and I, which was uncomfortably close. I scooted away from him to give him space. “Can I go raid your cabinets?”

“Duh. Why’d you sit down, then?”

He only smiled and stood up, disappearing down the stairs again. “Oh, hey, Jim,” Clyde said from somewhere down the hallway.

“H-Hey.”

I looked over at Token, wondering what everyone would want to do first. I kind of hated sleepovers, but group ones were okay, since I didn’t have to come up with everything and there were more people, which meant less attention on me. It was less awkward that way. 

“H-Hey, fellas,” Jimmy said after making his way up the stairs. I always wondered how he was able to do that, so a few months ago I watched him from the bottom of the stairs. It was a weird combination of using his crutches and the rail to climb them. I felt a little bad for not getting up and helping him when I heard him down the stairway, but he made it up fine. “Where’s Twe-... Tweek?”

“Had to go to his parents’ shop.” Token sat up now, looking at Jimmy. “You guys wanna play truth or dare first?”

I didn’t have anything against truth or dare. Neither did Jimmy, or Clyde, when he came back up. So that’s what we played.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for small hiatus. might go on a bigger one. not sure.

Once Clyde got back upstairs, all of us sat down in a circle. I couldn’t really remember the last time we played truth or dare- maybe middle school?- but I wasn’t opposed to it coming up again, because I didn’t have a better idea about how to pass the time. At that point, I already wanted to eat dinner and have everybody lay down so I could be alone with my thoughts, even if I wasn’t tired. But it was only five, and I knew nobody would want to lay down until twelve or one AM. So I sucked it up.

Clyde sat across from me, a bag of chips in his lap. “Who’s first?”

“D-Do you want to g-go fuh-first, Clyde?” Jimmy offered. His crutches were leaning against my bed behind him.

“Sure.” He shifted his legs underneath him, so that his legs were crossed. “Dare.”

“I d-duh-dare you to text Bebe a-ah-and s-”

“I’m not texting Bebe!” Clyde shouted, face red with anger. “I don’t like her anymore. I li… uh. She has a new boyfriend now, anyway.”

Jimmy huffed. “I d-don’t care if you luh-l-like her. Text her. That’s the d-dahh… dare.”

He pulled out his phone with a pouty look on his face. “Fine. What do I say?”

This was all boring to me, so I started to zone out until it was someone else’s turn. In the end, he texted Bebe, and they went back and forth insulting each other.

“Craig, truth or dare?” Clyde asked, setting his phone down on the shag carpet next to him.

“Dare.” I wanted to see how intense Clyde was going to play this game. In middle school, he used to dare us to do gross shit like eat a whole thing of mustard. I did it once and had to puke in the sink.

He grinned. “I dare you to tell us who you like. In Stan’s gang.”

“..Uh, nobody?”

Clyde’s grin faded. “Fine. Who do you think is the hottest?”

I rolled my eyes and looked over at Token. Token shrugged and pulled his phone out, which made me wonder if he was as sick of this as I was. “Kyle or Kenny, I guess. Cartman, Butters, and Stan are fucking ugly.”

“Both of them? You… I mean, you like both?”

“Clyde, I don't like either of them,” I said.

“Really? Then who do you like?”

Token set his phone down and stared at Clyde. “That’s a separate question. Craig has to ask someone now.” I was glad he swooped in, or else Clyde would probably keep insisting.

I started to wonder why Clyde cared so much. Maybe he wanted me to get a boyfriend, or maybe… he liked me? It made sense, considering how jealous he was of Kyle. It was possible that I had accidentally given it away at some point, but I really wasn’t sure where I’d gone wrong. Maybe he could read my face when I was lying. 

Or maybe he didn’t know at all, and he wanted to be a little shit about everything.

I ended up daring Token, and then Token dared Jimmy, and then Jimmy dared Clyde, and Clyde got to dare me again.

“I dare you to tell us who you like.”

I let out a loud sigh. “I don’t like anyone.”

“Bullshit,” Token intervened. “You have to like someone. So tell us. That’s the dare.” I stared at him, a little annoyed, because I thought he was on my side. So what made him change all of a sudden?

It was clear that I was going to have to lie again. To get myself into deeper shit. That was fine, as long as I could remember my lie, I would be safe. So I thought about who I should “fake-like,” and nobody came to mind. Pretending to like someone in my own friend group would be weird as fuck, I didn’t want to give away that it was Kyle, and if I said anyone else’s name (Cartman, Butters, the goth kids), Token and Clyde wouldn’t believe me. So what were my options?

“I don’t like anyone,” I lied.

Clyde crossed his arms. “Took you a long time to say that, huh?”

“Fellas, f-fellas. Let’s just calm down. I don’t think C-Cruh-Craig likes anybody, but if he wants to keep it a suh-secret, then we should just r-reh-respect his whuh-wishes, a-”

“Jimmy, don’t you want to find out who it is?” Token said. “It’s obvious he’s lying. Just look at him.”

“Well, I don’t want to m-muh-make Craig uncomfortable. This is his h-house,” Jimmy said earnestly. I was glad that he was standing up for me, because I really couldn’t think of anything to say.

My only option was Kenny, unless I wanted to create another lie and say I was straight now. I could say I liked any of the girls. Red and Heidi were single, so I figured saying their names would be the least offensive, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go through with that.

I sat up straight, looking around at them before I spoke. “If I say who I like, you won’t believe me. That’s why I can’t answer.”

“Oh. Who is it? We’ll believe you.” Token paused, looking over at Clyde. “And we won’t tell anyone, either. I swear, at least. Don’t know about him.”

Clyde rolled his eyes. “I swear too.” I didn’t need Jimmy to swear, because I trusted him enough.

“Fine. Uh… it’s Kenny.”

“Yeah? Really? Why wouldn’t we believe you? You know, I think you might have a chance with him. He’s gay, I th…” Token trailed off when Clyde started giving him the death stare. That’s when I realized that Clyde liked me, and Token was in on it. 

I was a complete fucking idiot.

“I could’ve swore it was Kyle. Well, whatever. Hope you two are happy when you get together,” Clyde said bitterly. I narrowed my eyes at him, although I knew what he was up to.

I just didn’t know how to feel about it.


	10. Chapter 10

After my mom threw two frozen pizzas in the oven for us, we ate while we played video games. We had to take turns, because Clyde broke one of my controllers last year and he never bothered to buy me a new one, which meant I only had three. Not that I expected him to replace the one he broke or anything.

I tried pushing all of the questions Clyde asked me during truth or dare to the back of my mind, but I couldn’t. Risking a glance away from the TV screen, I could see that he was sulking in the corner as he stared down at his phone. He liked me. He had to like me. If he didn’t like me, he would’ve never blown up over Kyle and asked who I liked during truth or dare. People who didn’t have a crush on you wouldn’t ask things like that. Token, Jimmy and Tweek weren’t nearly as invested in Kyle and I as Clyde was.

“Craig!” Token hissed. “You’re not even playing.”

He was right. I paused the game and stood up, holding the controller out to Clyde. “I need to take a piss. Here.”

Clyde set his phone down on the carpet and looked up at me, considering the controller. He took one glance at the TV screen and said, “You’re losing. Why would I want it?”

“You can have it for as many rounds. I don’t care.”

He took the controller from my hands and scooted over to where I sat before, leaving his paper plate with crumbs behind. I rolled my eyes and picked it up, leaving the room as Token unpaused the game and the three of them resumed playing the game. 

Token had interrupted my train of thought, so I tried picking up back where I started. Clyde. Liking me. I didn’t like him back, there was no way, but there was a chance he was jealous me having another boyfriend would take attention away from him. That was pretty sad, but it sounded better than him having a crush on me.

I locked the bathroom door and sat on the sink, pulling my phone out. I decided to text Kyle, because texting Token or Clyde would be weird from the other room. Plus, I wanted to know what he was doing. I just hoped he wasn’t with Stan and those guys.

**_Me: hey_ **

After the time that passed, I completely forgot that I told everyone I had a crush on Kenny. But of course, it came back to bite me.

**_Kyle: Hey :)_ **

**_Kyle: So you have a crush on Kenny?? Lmao_ **

Fucking Clyde. Clyde was texting him when I gave him the controller, I was sure of it. Or he was texting someone else, who told Kyle.

**_Me: fuck no_ **

**_Me: i mean there’s nothing wrong with him_ **

What did Kyle want me to say? What was I supposed to say?

**_Me: clyde kept asking me and i threw out a name_ **

**_Me: i couldn’t say anybody in my friend group. would’ve been weird_ **

**_Kyle: Haha okay_ **

**_Kyle: What are you doing?_ **

**_Me: clyde wanted me to have a sleepover_ **

**_Me: did clyde tell you i liked kenny_ **

I didn’t want to seem like I cared too much.

**_Me: lol_ **

**_Kyle: No, actually_ **

**_Kyle: Uh_ **

**_Me: really?_ **

**_Kyle: Yeah_ **

**_Me: then who_ **

Kyle took a while to respond after that one. I wondered if he was with Stan, and Stan was doing something stupid to distract him. Or maybe Kenny was there instead, and pissed that I pretended to like him.

**_Kyle: Ha sorry_ **

**_Kyle: Had to do something_ **

**_Kyle: It wasn’t Clyde_ **

**_Me: its fine yeah i know_ **

**_Me: who_ **

He typed out a message and deleted it a few times. I was getting a little impatient, so I shoved my phone in my back pocket and unzipped my jeans, even if I didn’t have to go that badly.

Why wouldn’t Kyle tell me who told him? Maybe Clyde was begging him not to, in fear that I would be even angrier with him. I couldn’t see it being Jimmy or Token- I trusted both of them- and Tweek wasn’t there to overhear it. Nobody else knew. Just the three of them.

It wasn’t exactly old information, either. It’s not like Kyle could have forgotten who said it, or pretend that it was one of the girls.

I zipped my jeans back up and thought about Clyde as I washed my hands, deciding to waste time. He didn’t like me. If he did, he would try to “impress” me like he tries to impress those girls.

When I got back to my bedroom, Token was on his phone. Clyde and Jimmy were sitting there, with nothing to do while the game was paused. When he saw me, he looked up and smiled. “Hey. Have a nice piss?”

“No.”

Token nodded, standing up and offering the controller to me. “I’m a little tired, so whenever you guys are ready, I could sleep.”

“M-Me t-tuh-too.” It was only eleven PM, which was abnormal. Clyde had no comment, even after I stared at him and waited for an answer.

“Okay. Fine. Then go to bed.” I turned back around to switch the lights off, thinking about that text from Kyle. What could he say to get himself out of this one? That it was Jimmy? He couldn’t cover Clyde’s ass forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo if you read my other notes u already know this but im having trouble updating lol, its not just this one its my other fics as well. so basically i might go silent for a while but just know im coming back to this one, a lot is going on rn with my family and im not in a good headspace
> 
> reformatted 6/20/20


	11. Chapter 11

**_Kyle: I can’t tell you_ **

**_Kyle: I’m sorry Craig I’m not trying to lie to you or anything_ **

**_Kyle: Hey, you okay?_ **

Those were the last three texts I got from Kyle. I squinted at them, the glaring light from my phone the only thing illuminating my bedroom. It was one AM, and after I made a homemade sleeping bed (two blankets and a pillow next to Jimmy on the floor,) I shut my eyes and tried to sleep for a few hours. It didn’t work. So here, two hours later, I was reading Kyle’s texts, unable to get him and Clyde off of my mind.

**_Me: kyle theres only one person it could be_ **

**_Me: i don’t know why you’re tryin gos hard to cover clydes ass_ **

**_Me: *trying_ **

**_Kyle: It’s not Clyde._ **

**_Kyle: Before I tell you who it is, you have to know something_ **

Kyle messaged back surprisingly fast. 

It wasn’t Clyde?

**_Me: how is it not clyde_ **

**_Me: and what_ **

**_Kyle: I like you_ **

**_Kyle: I have for a really long time actually_ **

**_Kyle: And Token was trying to figure out if you actually liked me_ **

**_Kyle: So_ **

**_Kyle: Um, Token was the one to tell me_ **

**_Kyle: If you’re going to be mad just blame it on me because he didn’t do anything wrong_ **

**_Kyle: And if you don’t like me back I get it_ **

**_Kyle: It’s fine_ **

Well, that was certainly a lot to think about. I set my phone on my chest, face-up, thinking everything through before I decided to text back.

First- Kyle liked me back! That was the good part, and it was serious too. Serious enough to get someone else involved in investigating whether I liked him back. But Token had been the one talking to Kyle the whole time, telling Kyle I liked Kenny… when I thought I could trust him.

**_Me: fuck_ **

**_Me: haha uh i like you too_ **

**_Me: so_ **

**_Me: do you want to date_ **

I knew the “haha” and “fuck” weren’t necessary, but other people seemed to like it when I pretended to be nervous. Saying things directly made people uneasy, especially in relationships, and I wanted Kyle to like me. Even if he already did, I wanted him to still like me- after we got together. I wasn’t emotionless. Just bad at expressing them, so I decided to… fake express them? Is that the word?

**_Kyle: YES_ **

**_Kyle: God_ **

**_Kyle: I’ve liked you forever I’m serious_ **

**_Kyle: Ahh wait when did you start liking me_ **

I didn’t know the answer to that, but fibbing was okay, right? It wouldn’t hurt anyone, and it wasn’t like someone could prove me wrong.

**_Me: since middle school_ **

**_Me: sixth or seventh grade_ **

**_Kyle: Aww_ **

**_Kyle: Are we telling other people? Or is this between us_ **

**_Me: this would be hard to keep secret_ **

**_Me: only person who would care is cartman but fuck him_ **

**_Me: and clyde_ **

**_Me: and stan_ **

**_Kyle: Yeah haha I’ll try to_ **

**_Kyle: Contain Stan or whatever_ **

**_Kyle: I’mmso fucking happy right now_ **

I smiled at that. Kyle was happy. I made him happy, of all people.

**_Me: whatever cutie_ **

**_Kyle: Shut up_ **

**_Kyle: I’m going to go to bed_ **

**_Me: okay_ **

Setting my phone down again, I let my head rest on the pillow. I wanted to talk to Kyle longer, but it was late and he wanted sleep. And I had a lot to think about.

**_Me: goodnight_ **

**_Kyle: You too_ **

**_Kyle: <3_ **

I turned my phone off and let it rest next to my thigh.

He sent me a heart. Kyle was fucking adorable. Just to humor him, I picked my phone back up and sent one back.

**_Me: <3_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise this is still cryde. lol


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pretty sure chapters are gonna get longer from here on out :)

“So you lied to me,” Clyde said, giving me a harsh glare that bore into my eyes. “This whole time.”

I hadn’t thought that telling people I was with Kyle would start drama. Clyde was an issue- always up my ass about Kyle when he suspected I had a crush on him- but I hadn’t expected him to be this upset.

Nodding, I tried to think of a way to explain things that would make him feel better. “I had to. I thought if I told you guys I liked him, that he would find out.” Was that good enough? I hoped so.

Clyde crossed his arms, the sleeves of his letterman jacket hanging loose. He had it fitted before football season started and before he lost weight from going to practice almost every afternoon. “You thought I would go and tell everybody you liked Kyle?”

“Well, not just you.” I paused, remembering how Token lied to me. “Token was the one who told Kyle that I liked Kenny, so I was right to be suspicious of you guys. Because it did end up happening.”

“But you didn’t trust me either.”

This was way too difficult. I never expected Kyle to like me in the first place, and I thought Clyde would at least attempt to hide his anger if the two of us got together. Now it was happening, and he didn’t even pretend to be happy for me. “Clyde.”

“Craig.” He cocked his head, his glare intensifying.

I was at a complete loss. “I’m sorry. You know that. And it wasn’t a personal thing. People do it all the time, it doesn’t mean I keep other things from you.”

“No, I don’t, actually. And I’m sorry, too, for whatever it was that I did that made you not want to trust me. I thought we were friends.” 

There he went again, making me feel guilty. I wasn’t sure if I was in the right or wrong this time, but… “You didn’t do anything. You didn’t have to do anything. People have doubts sometimes.” Okay, he did do something. He was acting a little shady during the camping trip and after I started hanging out with Kyle… maybe I was right to be suspicious, even if there was no real reason to be.

“Whatever. I’m done. You can hang out with your stupid boyfriend and his stupid friends and I won’t be upset about it anymore. Go sit with Cartman and Stan who both hate your guts. And Butters.” Clyde rolled his eyes. “Jimmy or Token might take your side, but you can have them anyway.” He started to walk off. For a moment, I wasn’t even sure what I did to make him so upset, but then I remembered that I had lied about Kenny. Was that such a bad thing? Trying to hide the fact you had a crush on someone, even if it was to a close friend? People treated stuff like that as a joke, as if it weren’t a real secret to begin with. 

Maybe I would talk to Kyle about it later. But for now, I had to apologize unless I wanted to lose Clyde. “I’m sorry. I know I was being an asshole. But you do dick things all the time to me, and I don’t make this big of a deal out of it.”

He was a few yards away now, but close enough to hear me. Clyde turned around. “Go have sex with Kyle! Just fuck off! I said I was done!” Clyde pulled his AirPod case out of his jacket pocket and shoved them in his ears. After that, he pulled out his phone. I could see the Spotify logo, and I knew he was getting ready to tune me out.

“You weren’t this mad when I was with Tweek!” I yelled back. Heidi and Stan were nearby in the hallway and turned to watch us. I didn’t care about stupid Heidi or fucking Stan. There was no point in hiding that I was fighting with Clyde, because I didn’t do anything wrong. At least, I thought so. “What changed? Maybe Kyle was right! Maybe you do fucking like me, because you’re acting like a toddler right now!” Heat rose to my face.

Clyde only flipped me the bird, something I would do. This made me angrier. “At least I’m not too much of a pussy to admit that I’m gay!”

He wasn’t hearing me anymore. Clyde turned down the hallway, that shitty Denzel Curry album probably blasting in his ears. I wasn’t sure what class he had next, I thought maybe biology… which he shared with Jimmy. Great. At least I knew Jimmy wasn’t dumb enough to turn against me completely and take his side. Jimmy always wanted to hear both sides and give people the benefit of the doubt. He was a good person like that.

I turned and looked at Stan and Heidi. “What do you want?” I snapped. This was mostly directed at Stan, but Heidi had the nerve to answer.

“You have some serious problems,” she said, rolling her eyes and walking away.


	13. Chapter 13

At lunch, I had asked Kyle to come over to my house after school. Even though the two of us got dirty looks from Cartman and Stan, Kyle agreed. 

I was busy picking up all of the dirty laundry off of my bedroom floor from the last few days when Kyle appeared in the hallway. Three days passed since last Friday, when Clyde and I had that stupid argument. He hadn’t sent me any iMessage games since, which meant he really was mad this time. That was fine. I didn’t need him anyway, I had Kyle and Kenny now. Jimmy and Token refused to take sides and Tweek followed what they did like a lost puppy, going back and forth between Clyde and I, but they stuck with Clyde most of the time because he didn’t have any other friends. I didn’t blame Tweek. Jimmy and Token sat with Clyde at lunch, though- it was obvious which side they were on.

“Hey,” Kyle greeted, staring at me as I picked up the last pair of dirty jeans from the floor and held it in my arms. Normally I never let my room get so dirty, but I was stressed out from the sleepover and then Clyde exploding on me in the hallway like that. A lot of people talked about it. I tried ignoring it, but it was still.. pretty annoying.

My heart skipped a beat. “Hi,” I said back, without smiling. I moved past him to go to the laundry room across the hall, glad that I got all of the really nasty things out of the way before Kyle showed up- like cleaning Stripe’s cage, and wiping tomato sauce off of my dresser from the sleepover. I wasn’t sure who was responsible for putting their pizza face-down on my dresser without a plate, but I knew it wasn’t Clyde. He always ate his food. Every bite.

“So... is there something you wanted... to talk about? Or did you just want to hang out?” Kyle asked, standing next to me as I pulled down the lid on the washer. I stared down at him, reminding myself that the two of us were together. We were dating. I could kiss him now, and touch his hair. In class I used to stare at him a lot, and wonder what his hair felt like. Sometimes Stan touched his hair and it pissed me off. 

Kyle narrowed his eyes. “Craig. I think there’s something you want to talk about.”

I didn’t want to talk about anything. He was wrong. But something in my gut told me he was going to bring up Clyde, and well, I wasn’t excited for that conversation. Seriously. Clyde would come around whenever he realized he was being overdramatic, and we would either be friends again or just avoid each other for the rest of high school, and that was the end of it. I didn’t need him. I had Kyle and Kenny- although the rest of their friend group was unbearable at times. Though Butters wasn’t all that bad. And I knew Kyle and I wouldn’t last forever, but I could still drift back and forth between him, Kenny, Token, and Jimmy.

I didn’t need Clyde and Clyde didn’t need me.

“Nope,” I said, turning the laundry room light off and walking back to my room. I sniffed the air and decided that it smelled alright. Not that I knew where the Febreze was, my mom always moved it around.

Kyle followed me back to my room. “Craig,” he urged. “Don’t be like this. We can talk to each other, you know. We’re dating now, and I think the fight you guys had is bothering you.”

I sat down on my bed and watched as he sat down next to me. Kyle crossed his arms, studying my face and trying to psychoanalyze me. He wasn’t a therapist, for god’s sake. He could chill. “It’s not affecting me, though.” Not being friends with Clyde anymore was kind of a relief, to tell the truth. I didn’t have to put up with his emotional instability.

“Yes it is. I think you should talk to him.” Kyle put a hand on my bicep (or what would’ve been my bicep, if I had any muscle.) “He needs you. He doesn’t have anybody else. I’m serious.”

Across the room, Stripe VII squeaked from her cage. “Yes he does,” I dismissed, deciding to use Stripe as a way to change the subject. I stood up from the bed and walked over to her cage, undoing the metal clasps on the top and lifting her out of it. “Let’s see if she likes you.”

Sitting back down on the bed, I sat Stripe on my lap and watched as she crawled off of my thighs and onto the bedspread. Stripe made her way over to Kyle, sniffing at his hand. Kyle didn’t acknowledge her at all. “Don’t be like this.”

“Be like what?”

“Okay, fine. Clyde has Token and Jimmy, but it’s obvious they still talk to you and side with you. They only hang out with him because he has nobody else and they’ll feel guilty if they don’t. And Clyde is distraught.” Kyle tore his eyes away from me and stared down at Stripe, a smile spreading across his lips. “Hi girl,” he said softly, lifting his hand and petting her with his index finger. “You need to apologize, even though you think you did nothing wrong. For him.”

I pulled my legs up onto the bed and crossed them. “Have you been talking to Token again?” I asked, my eyes on Stripe as she closed her eyes and pressed her back against the side of Kyle’s leg. Why did Token have to be in everything? He helped Kyle find out if I liked him, and I figured that would be the extent of his involvement in our relationship, but now he was trying to convince Kyle to get me to apologize to Clyde.

Kyle let his hand rest in his lap. “I don’t have to talk to him to know. But yeah, I have. Is that a crime?”

“No.”

Kyle’s gaze shifted towards my bedroom door, so I turned to look at it too. My dad stood there, the door cracked maybe an inch wide, as if we were the intruders. “Who’s this?”

“New boyfriend. What do you want, dad?” I mumbled.

“Your mom wants to know why Roger Donovan is on the phone.”

I rolled my eyes and slid off of the bed. It looked like I was going to have to apologize and make friends with Clyde again after all.


	14. Chapter 14

“Hey,” I said after walking to my parents’ room and taking the phone from my mom, who was pale in the face. Clyde was the last thing I wanted to deal with right now, but the sooner I got him and his father out of the way, the sooner I could hang out with Kyle. Alone.

Clyde’s dad didn’t speak for a while, probably trying to gather his thoughts. “Craig?”

“Yeah.”

“Something’s wrong with him. He came home crying Friday, and I thought he would be over it, but Saturday and Sunday he would only come out of his room to use the bathroom. Clyde wouldn’t even  _ eat, _ ” he whispered. I knew what that meant. Clyde loved food. “He hasn’t been this bad since Betsy died.. I don’t know. I thought I was worrying too much at first, but I couldn’t help wondering if it had something to do with you, or one of your other little friends. Like that… Tweek kid.”

I turned around to face the doorway, giving Kyle a look. “I’ll come over there and talk to him.” Without another word, I hung up on Roger and handed the phone back to my mother. What would I say to Clyde when I went to his house? Knowing him, he wouldn’t even let me inside his room if he were that upset. And why? Just because I got with Kyle and hid the fact I liked him before it happened?

“We can hang out another time, Craig. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? I would go with you, but I don’t… it would make Clyde worse, I think.” Kyle gave me a soft smile before disappearing down the hallway. I just knew he was going to invite Stan over and talk to him about how stupid I was for starting all of that stuff with Clyde in the first place. It pissed me off. I didn’t start it, Clyde did. He could’ve told me how he felt before he had that stupid meltdown in the hallway.

-

Clyde’s dad let me in at the front door, and I pushed past him without a word. There was no point in wasting time talking to him. Ignoring his protests, I climbed up the stairs and noticed how clean the hallway was. With Clyde holed up in his room for four days, Roger must’ve had time to clean.

I pounded on Clyde’s door. If I didn’t let on that it was me, I thought he might let me in. I was wrong. “What do you want, Dad?!” Clyde said from somewhere behind the door. 

“Open the door!” I yelled back, picturing him underneath his comforter and three throw blankets. Clyde always had a stash of food in one of his dresser drawers- packaged stuff, like M&M’s and beef jerky and potato sticks. No wonder he didn’t come out for food, he had a lifetime supply in his dresser.

There was a brief silence, almost as if Clyde were considering opening the door for me. “Fuck off, Craig! Get out of my house!”

“Just open it.” I started twisting the doorknob back and forth. “I heard that you cried. Last Friday,” I told him, hoping this wouldn’t make him angrier.

“SHUT UP!” 

I stopped rattling the doorknob. “We can talk. Come on.”

There was another silence, and I thought for sure this time he was getting up to open the door. Nothing happened.

I turned around and sat down on the carpet, my back against his bedroom door. “Clyde, you’re overreacting,” I muttered, not caring if he heard me. It wouldn’t work, anyway. I had to think of a way to get him out of there, or at least cooperate with me.

There was only one thing that came to my mind, and it was breaking up with Kyle. I didn’t want to do that, but it didn’t necessarily mean I actually had to break up with him. I could continue to secretly date him and lie to everyone else, saying we broke up- but would that make things worse if Clyde found out somehow? If Clyde started digging, that was his own fault. I was just trying to make sure he was okay.

Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I set it on my thigh and considered my options. I wasn’t going to let Clyde sit there and be miserable. Plus, maybe Kyle would get tired of me and end up breaking up with me anyway.

First, I messaged Kyle.

**_Me: if anyone asks we broke up_ **

**_Me: go to stan and fake cry about it or just tell him to spread it if u donnt wanna lie to him_ **

**_Me: i think this will make clyde feel better_ **

**_Me: idk coulud make it worse if he finds out_ **

**_Me: but i need to try_ **

“Clyde?” I asked, staring at the screen and waiting for Kyle’s response. I got nothing from Clyde, but Kyle answered pretty quick.

**_Kyle: K_ **

**_Kyle: But we’re still together right?_ **

**_Kyle: If you don’t wanna be together we don’t have to. We could take a break until everything settles down._ **

I didn’t want to make a decision, so I closed out of iMessages and turned my phone off. “Clyde.”

Nothing.

“Clyde!”

“What do you fucking want?” 

This time his voice sounded muffled, and I knew he had his head in his blankets, trying to drown the sound of my voice out. “Kyle and I broke up. And I’m sorry for what I said in the hallway,” I admitted, pausing to let him speak, but he didn’t say anything. “Can we talk? Like, can you open the door? This is ridiculous, dude.”

“No. We can’t talk. My therapist said you were bad for my mental health.”

“She fucking said that?”

My phone dinged again. I silenced it without reading the message, hoping Clyde didn’t hear anything. “Yeah. Maybe you should talk to her and stop taking everything out on me,” Clyde said back.

“How am I taking everything out on you? Name one way,” I snapped. He was making stuff up at this point.

“Just leave me alone.”

I turned my phone back on and read the message that Kyle sent me.

**_Kyle: Do you think people would believe us? I don’t. We were only together for a week and three days._ **

**_Me: bebe and kenny lasted two days once i think well be ok_ **

**_Me: clyde still hates me_ **

Standing up, I put my phone back in my pocket. “There’s nothing I can do to make you be friends with me again?”

“No!” he shouted back.

“So we’re never going to be friends? This is the end for us?” I was being dramatic, but I wanted Clyde to realize the weight of the situation. In a week or so, he would be crawling back. Hopefully.

“Yep.”

I nodded to myself and made my way down the hallway, passing Roger Donovan on my way to the front door. “Didn’t work,” I muttered to him, before pulling the front door open and stepping onto the chilly front porch. 

As I walked home, I hoped what I kept telling myself was true- that he would come crawling back to me. Or at least make an effort to be friends again.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the sake of this fic, pretend s14:e2 didn't happen.

Without Clyde around, I had to admit that things turned unnaturally dull around South Park. I couldn’t hang out with Token and Jimmy without Clyde and Tweek coming around and ruining the whole mood, and I couldn’t invite Token over alone without him telling me how bad Clyde was doing now that the two of us weren’t on speaking terms. It was irritating. Even after I went to his house and offered to become friends, Clyde refused. So what? What was I supposed to do now? I definitely didn’t want to hear Token and Jimmy nag me to try to talk to him again, and Clyde wasn’t budging.

So after that, I started avoiding Jimmy and Token entirely. They tried to catch me to talk between classes and walking home after school, but I pretended I was in a rush or that Kyle wanted me to walk him home so they would go away. After all, I still had Kyle to distract me.

I knew ignoring it wasn’t the answer, though. And I wanted the gang to be back together again, even with Tweek. I could deal with him. Walking home one day, I decided to send Clyde a text. Or… a few texts.

**_Me: if you dont ever want to be friends again tell token and jimmy and tweek to stop nagging me to talk to you_ **

**_Me: or you could just forgive me_ **

**_Me: crazy idea. i know._ **

Even after that, he still didn’t text back. I was at a loss.

-

After a week of Clyde ignoring my texts, I decided it was safe to date Kyle again (publicly). Stan and Cartman still hated me, and Cartman and Kenny continued to made jokes about us during lunch… but it didn’t really get to me as much as it did Kyle. On the plus side, Stan started inviting me to their sleepovers at his house on the weekend. Not that I went or anything. I’d rather die than sleep in the same room as Cartman and Stan, even if Kyle would be there to even things out. 

When I started thinking of myself as part of Stan’s gang, I thought the Clyde thing would go away. I thought him, Jimmy, Token, and Tweek would sit at their own table for the rest of the school year and everyone would keep their distance and it would never come up again. I was wrong.

“Cartman, shut up! Go sit with Bebe like I told you to. And Clyde, you sit with Craig. You little fags are going to work together.”

I looked up from the notebook I was doodling in, making eye contact with Mr. Garrison. Yes, he still taught us after all these years- the school board liked moving him up a grade every year, just to torture us. This time he taught sophomore English. “Can I be with someone else?” I asked.

Mr. Garrison glared at me. “No, you can’t work with your boyfriend. I’m sick of you making googly eyes at him. He’s not even cute, he’s fucking ugly. Now sit with Clyde, I don’t care that you two had a hissy fight in the hallway, you can just git over it,” Garrison snapped, his southern drawl still persistent after all those years. Garrison turned back to Bebe and Cartman. “Cartman, would you like to work with PC Principal’s liberal ass, in the  _ ooofficeee?”  _

I wanted to tell Mr. Garrison off for saying Kyle was ugly, but I knew it was no use. Kyle probably didn’t hear it anyway, preoccupied with Stan and Kenny in the back of the classroom. I hated being in the front row because I couldn’t stare at him like I wanted to. 

Then I remembered that I had to work with Clyde, and I let out a loud groan. Picking my notebook and pencils up from my desk, I turned around to go find him.

Clyde was in the far left corner, his hood up and AirPods in. Kyle was a few chairs away from him, laughing at something Stan was saying. I was glad he didn’t hear what Mr. Garrison said about him, but I was still angry. And now I had to deal with the person I least wanted to talk to in the classroom… aside from Cartman and Stan. 

I stood in the aisle, next to my seat, and cast a pleading look at Jimmy. He didn’t notice me because he was on his phone. Sighing even louder, I walked over to Clyde and flipped the desk in front of him so that I could face him to do our stupid project. “Hey.”

Clyde didn’t say anything. He only stared.

“Listen. You do the first half and I’ll do the last half and we can be done with it.” I wasn’t sure what I was talking about- I didn’t know what Garrison assigned us in the first place, because I wasn’t paying attention- but I assumed he gave us some stupid book to read.

He took one AirPod out and squinted at me. Clyde didn’t look any different from the last time I saw him… maybe more muscular from football practice, but that was all. I felt only a little guilty for dropping out in middle school. The football team sucked ass, and Clyde, Token, and Stan pretty much pulled the whole team on their shoulders. 

“I’ll do one half and you do the other. Okay?” I repeated.

“Or… you could do the whole thing and we both get A’s.”

I knew he was going to be like this- he always was when it came to group projects, but in group projects I always had Token to double up on Clyde’s workload. This time, it was just me and Clyde. “Nah. I could do my half, and then you don’t do your half, and then you get an F and I get an A. Sound good?”

Clyde smiled at me, but it wasn’t genuine. It was sarcastic. “You know that’s not how Mr. Garrison is going to see it. And you know I’m not going to do any of it. So I think you should do the whole thing. Sound good?” he said, mocking me. I wanted to stand up and punch him right in his stupid face and send his AirPods flying, but I didn’t.

Instead, I smiled back. “We could just both get an F. And then you’d get kicked out of football. And then your dad would be disappointed in you. And then I could stay after school to work on it one day with Mr. Garrison, and you would still have an F.” 

Clyde frowned and squinted again. “That’s fine. He knew I was never going to an Ivy League school anyway.”

“Why are you so difficult?”

Clyde shrugged and leaned back in his seat, putting his AirPod back in. That meant he was done listening to me. 

“Clyde,” I said. When he didn’t take his AirPods back out, I leaned across his desk and ripped it out for him. “What if I help you? Will you do it then?”

For a moment, he looked sad- but it disappeared as soon as I noticed it. “No.”

“Really? Why not?”

“Because then I have to talk to you.”

I crossed my arms. “You’re talking to me right now. And you’re going to have to, sooner or later. You can’t hate me forever.”

“Watch me,” he said, tearing his AirPod from my fingers and putting it back in. Clyde relaxed in his seat and glared at me for the rest of the class period, refusing to talk to me. 

Maybe he wasn’t worth it after all.


	16. Chapter 16

Before the bell rang, I approached Wendy and her gaggle of friends with my wallet in my right hand. “Hey,” I said to get her attention.

She turned away from them and looked me up and down. “Oh. Hi Craig,” Wendy greeted. “What’s up?” Then she looked behind me, as if she thought I were up to something.

“How much for you to do my english assignment? Clyde is being a dick about it and I don’t want to do all of it myself. Just make sure it’s not too similar to yours, unless you know for a fact that Garrison doesn’t read them.” I opened my wallet and side-eyed Bebe, who looked annoyed that I was interrupting their discussion.

Wendy tilted her head and stared down at my wallet. “Why don’t you put that away, Craig?” she suggested, meeting my eyes and smiling.

I blinked at her. “What? You don’t want money?”

“No. I think you should get over your superiority complex and talk to Clyde. He’ll help you with it.”

Folding my wallet back into shape, I slid it into my pocket and rolled my eyes. I wanted to tell her that I tried- if going to his house, approaching him in class, and texting him was the bare minimum, what else was left?- but I wasn’t sure she would believe me. “I have talked to Clyde.”

“Yeah? Did you apologize?”

“Yes.”

Wendy didn’t look convinced. “Was it a sarcastic apology?”

“No. It wasn’t.” I thought about my english assignment again. “If you’re not going to do the assignment, I can just ask Kyle to do some of it. I won’t have to pay him.” She stared at me, unaffected. I wanted her to be upset so she would agree. “And who knows? He’s probably way smarter than you are,” I added for extra impact.

Bebe let out a huff, but didn’t come to Wendy’s defense. Wendy put her hand on her hip. “Why didn’t you go to him in the first place if you thought he were smarter than me? Hm?”

“Because I didn’t want him to bug me to apologize to Clyde. Looks like I’m going to get it either way, though. Bye.”

As I turned away from her, I saw Clyde and Stan talking near the water fountain. Kyle wasn’t anywhere near them, but it still confused me. What did those two even have to talk about? How much they hated me? Clyde caught my eye and gave me a dirty look, but didn’t stop talking to Stan. Both of their voices were low, which was unfortunate. Not that I cared what they were talking about, but clarity was nice sometimes.

I spotted Kyle and Kenny down the hallway and rushed to catch up with them. “Hey. Why is Stan talking to Clyde?”

“What?” Kyle said, narrowing his eyes and searching for Stan’s blue beanie from down the hallway.

“Why do you care so much? Not like you and Clyde are friends anymore. He’s a free man,” Kenny grinned. I guess he found it funny that I still cared about who Clyde was talking to, but I really didn’t care. I just found it confusing. Stan hated my guts until I came into his group, and now he only hated my guts a little bit- but Clyde hated me, too. The two of them never talked before Clyde and I stopped being friends. So what happened?

Kyle spotted Stan and shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe Stan is sick of you and wants you back in your own friend group. Not like that is gonna happen,” he said with a small smile.

I turned back around to look at them. Their discussion seemed pretty serious. Maybe Kyle was right, and Stan was trying to convince Clyde to forgive me.

It made sense.

-

In English class, Garrison was up my ass again about sitting next to Clyde for our stupid assignment. So once again, I moved my notebooks and my backpack and stuff over to his desk and sat down near him. Not like he was going to talk to me.

I started on my drawing again, with no plans to even attempt talking to Clyde. Unfortunately, he was the one that started talking to me. “One of your stupid Star Wars things?” he sneered, leaning over and staring down at my notebook.

“Yep.” I didn’t look up from the paper as I spoke.

“I’ll talk to you. But just for this assignment, and that’s it.” I turned to look at him, noticing he had one AirPod out. How generous. I started to wonder why he decided to talk at all, but remembered him and Stan huddled next to the water fountain… and it all made sense. Stan wanted me back with Token and Jimmy and Clyde. He would have to make Kyle break up with me for that to really happen, though. 

I nodded, shading in Rey’s dark hair as I wondered what the assignment even was. Now that Clyde was talking to me again, it felt less like an accomplishment and more like a chore. Maybe it was the fact that it was connected to schoolwork, or that Stan was the one who convinced him to talk to me in the first place. I wasn’t sure.

After getting the gist of what we had to do from Jimmy, who conveniently sat diagonally from my desk and had to work with Nicole, Clyde opened his own notebook and wrote the word “essay” on the top half of the page in his very own series of squiggly lines and chicken scratch. His handwriting always bothered me, but at least he was making an effort. “I’ll come to your house to do some of it today,” Clyde said.

“No. Your house,” I muttered, flipping the page and deciding I couldn’t make Rey any less uglier than I’d originally drawn her.

“...Your house.”

I let out a huff and let my pencil roll into the crevice of my notebook. “We always go to my house. So we’re going to yours.”

“Mine is a mess. Seriously. You would go crazy and start doing my laundry.”

“No I wouldn’t. Your fucking house, dude.”

Clyde crossed his arms and looked off into the distance. “Whatever. Just don’t complain when you see it.”


	17. Chapter 17

“What the fuck?” I muttered, walking through Clyde’s room and picking up a stray pair of shorts. “How do you live like this?” Clyde’s room was worse than I’d originally expected. Clothes were strewn everywhere. Empty chip bags and cans of diet Coke laid scattered across the disaster that was his room. I knew I would have to clean- there was no way I was sitting in filth while we worked on our paper.

“I told you to not complain.” Clyde crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe, watching me go through his dirty laundry. What he said earlier was right- it was horrible, and I wasn’t able to resist the urge to scrub down the entire place. “You didn’t give me any time to clean up, either.”

Leaving his bedroom to go find an empty laundry basket, I thought about how bad his room really was… and how hard our fight must’ve been on him for it to get to that point. His dad said he came home crying on Friday and wouldn’t come out of his room to  _ eat.  _

I came out of the laundry room with a basket. “What book were we supposed to read?” Maybe if I avoided talking about his feelings specifically, he would feel inclined to talk about it later. I knew Clyde got stressed easily, so I decided to pretend everything was okay.

“Uh.. Jimmy said  _ The Catcher in the Rye _ .” Clyde was sitting on his bed now, the only surface in his room that you could see the bottom of. “Bebe said Wendy had to read it in middle school for one of her advanced classes, and she thought that it was boring. So if Wendy thinks it’s boring…”

I nodded. “Then it’s actually boring.” I set the laundry basket down on his dresser and started throwing articles of clothing into it. “You can read it while I do your chores. Tell me what happens.”

Clyde sighed and shifted his legs around underneath him. “You know I can’t focus. Can’t we just like.. can you just read it to me?”

“No. Just listen to the audiobook.”

“I don’t want to pay for a stupid book! Especially if it’s boring.” Clyde looked hurt that I would suggest such a thing.

Rolling my eyes, I left the dresser and sat down next to him. “You can get them illegally. That book is probably old and isn’t even protected by copyright anymore,” I said as I pulled out my phone. Clyde didn’t look like he cared about what I was saying, so I found the audiobook and let my finger hover over the play button. “Where’s your speaker?”

Once I connected my phone to his speaker and hit play, I started cleaning his room again, trying to mentally tune out his complaints about the main character and the fact that there was no plot to the book. Clyde and Wendy were right, though- it fucking sucked.

-

Clyde’s room was so disgusting that it had multiple layers of filth. The top layer was his laundry and crumpled pieces of paper, which were easy enough to take care of. I had all of his laundry in the washer and the crumpled papers in the trash can after twenty minutes of the audiobook. The second layer, underneath all of the laundry and papers, were the food wrappers that I mentioned. Funyuns, M&M’s, candy bars… even Pepsi cans. And Clyde hated Pepsi. I wondered how much he stress ate in the time between the day we fought- Friday, which seemed like forever ago- and now.

The third layer, which was the worst one, was food crumbs.

After three hours of Clyde laying around and doing nothing- on his sheetless, pillowless bed, because I had to clean those too- I had finally finished cleaning his room. I wasn’t sure how far we were in the audiobook. I ended up tuning most of it out and missing out on parts because I was out of the bedroom, but I hoped we were coming close to the end.

“You done? I want my sheets back. I’m tired,” he grinned, stretching his arms and legs out, now sprawled on the bed. 

He was tired. Of course. After all that focusing he had to do. “Yeah. They’re done, hang on.” Picking my phone up for what felt like the first time in years, I turned the audiobook off and put it in my pocket. “Did you pay attention?”

“Maybe.”

I grabbed the laundry basket from the corner of the room and went to the laundry room to bring his sheets, pillowcases, and comforter back. When I got them all out of the dryer, I dropped the laundry basket in the center of the room. “You can put it on yourself, right?”

Clyde stood up and nodded, taking the pillowcases in his hand first. “But I need help with the fitted sheet,” he said.

“Fine. I can do that.” I took my phone back out of my pocket and checked to see if Kyle had messaged me. He didn’t. It stung a little, but I knew he was probably busy with something. Like that English assignment that Clyde and I were working on. He was partnered with Stan, which sucked.. but at least he wasn’t miserable with Cartman. 

“So,” Clyde said, holding his pillow in place with his chin as he tried to put the pillowcase back on, “How’s, uh, your new friend group? You like them better?”

“No. Cartman and Stan suck,” I muttered, putting my phone away again. I didn’t have to think very hard when I answered these questions.

Clyde nodded, as if he understood, and threw his pillow in the center of his mattress as he moved on to the next one. “Okay. Um… things good with you and Kyle?”

“Yep.”

He nodded again. “That’s good. Real good. Thanks for cleaning my room, by the way.” Clyde finished that pillow and set it down, looking at me earnestly. “I mean it.”

I couldn’t help but smile at him. “You expected me to leave it the way it was and sit in it?”

“Yeah. Well, I thought we would just go to your house. Uh… you’re happy, right? With Kyle? Like, he makes you happy and stuff?” Clyde asked. I wondered where he was going with this. He reached into the basket and pulled out the sheet. “Help me?”

I took one end of the sheet in my hands and assisted him in putting the fitted sheet on his mattress. Maybe he was trying to accept the fact that Kyle and I were together. I hoped so- that would be healthy. For him.

“Yeah. I’m happy with him.”

“You sure?” Clyde asked, lifting one side of the mattress and pulling the frilled part of the sheet underneath. “I mean, I dunno. You guys don’t really do couple stuff.” He paused to look at me, as if I might be offended. “Not that I’d know. You two probably make out and shit when you’re alone.”

I blinked, deciding not to say anything. He was right. Kyle and I hadn’t even kissed yet, and that had completely slipped my mind. Maybe Kyle hated me for not making the move fast enough or something. 

Nah. He wouldn’t hate me for it, but it was weird to think that we hadn’t even kissed. The most “risky” thing the two of us had done was send those stupid heart emojis. “Our relationship isn’t that serious.” On the other hand, though, the two of us hadn’t been together for that long. And Kyle wasn’t needy in that way.

“Okay,” Clyde said. He sounded like he was over the topic already, after my prolonged silence. “I have cookies and cream ice cream. We can watch TV.”

Nudging him in the arm, I said, “I thought you weren’t going to talk to me outside of the assignment. Loser.” I smiled, though, to let him know I was joking.

Clyde looked hurt at first, but then smiled back. “I’m not gonna talk to you. I’m gonna be watching TV.”

“Okay,” I replied, watching him as he left his bedroom and walked down the stairs.

“Okay,” Clyde said back.


	18. Chapter 18

My limbs were stiff and rigid. Yawning, I stretched my arms out above my head and opened my eyes. Clyde laid in front of me, his right hand on my torso. That was a little weird, but I’d heard worse. Kyle told me once that he would wake up in the middle of the night and Stan would be full-on spooning him. It pissed me off a little when I first heard it, but the more I thought about it, I couldn’t decide if it was funny or sad. Stan was needy. 

Clyde’s alarm clock flashed the time from where it sat on his bedside table. Three AM. How I’d managed to wake up at three AM, I wasn’t sure, but I wasn’t complaining. I didn’t feel tired at all, just cramped up.

I moved Clyde’s arm away and propped my head up with my hand. Memories came back to me- talking at school, cleaning his entire room, doing all of his laundry for him. What happened after that?

Ice cream. And then a shitty movie that Clyde was in love with, and then probably a sugar crash and both of us passing out. Great.

As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I studied his face again. For some reason, I wasn’t mad at him. Not really. That afternoon had gone fine, and I was surprised he was willing to work with me at all on our stupid book report. It probably wouldn’t happen without me nagging him to do his half every few hours, but… we were back on speaking terms. Being friends with him again felt great. Amazing, actually. And it would feel ten times better when I could talk to people without questions and “advice” on how to win Clyde back. I had apologized, like, three times. They didn’t consider the fact that Clyde needed to be alone.

Thankful that Clyde was a deep sleeper, I slid off of the bed and grabbed my phone from his bedside table, heading down the hallway. Slipping into the bathroom and narrowly avoiding Clyde’s dad, I shut and locked the door, pressing my back against it as I turned my phone on.

That’s when I realized I wasn’t holding my own phone. I had accidentally grabbed Clyde’s. I scanned the notifications, unable to help myself. They were right there, after all.

He had a few from Token on Instagram.

**_t0kenblack: Heard Craig went to ur house to work on the book report_ **

**_t0kenblack: I hope you two get along_ **

**_t0kenblack: Behave!_ **

**_t0kenblack: And I really hope things get better for u. I’m here if u need to talk. Things will get better I promise man_ **

That was sweet and all, but I was more concerned about the message underneath it.

**_st.marsh.t: You haven’t messaged me in a while. Let me know how it if things go wrong. If you fuck up, don’t say anything else because we can fix it._ **

**_st.marsh.t: *Lmk if thigns go wrong_ **

**_st.marsh.t: *Things_ **

**_st.marsh.t: Fuck_ **

Then, another message, a few hours later.

**_st.marsh.t: Craig has gone home by now, right?_ **

**_st.marsh.t: Did you ask him?_ **

**_st.marsh.t: Are you okay?_ **

**_st.marsh.t: I’m going to assume that your phone died and you’re not ignoring me because you hate me._ **

Clyde had more messages- one from Wendy and a few from Jimmy- but I didn’t care about those anymore. Neither of them could be more important than Stan’s messages on Instagram. With all of the shit going on, I was surprised to see that Cartman or Tweek hadn’t texted him too. Maybe Clyde was smart enough to have Cartman and his many alt accounts blocked, and Tweek didn’t care enough to text.

I re-read Stan’s messages to him over a million times, my bladder still full to the top, trying to decipher what he meant. They had some sort of plan, involving me, but whatever it was, I didn’t think that Clyde tried to pull it off. The most incriminating thing he did that evening was lay on his mattress and let me clean his entire room by myself. So maybe… Stan was telling him to do stuff, and Clyde wasn’t falling for it?

Good. I never liked Stan from the beginning (duh) and just when I thought he was starting to come around, these messages set the two of us back to square one. Of course, I wasn’t supposed to see them- and Stan didn’t know that I saw them, yet- but it didn’t matter. I had Clyde’s phone.

Or, a worse thought. Stan was trying to get Clyde and I together because Clyde liked me. That was unlikely, though- who needed a plan? Aside from blackmail, what possible plan could the two of them conceive to make me fall for him? Wasn’t happening. Plus, I had Kyle.

I thought about screenshotting the notifications and AirDropping it to myself so Clyde wouldn’t know I had them, but duh, I couldn’t unlock his phone to AirDrop anything. And if I could, there was no point in screenshotting anything- I could read all of Stan’s messages to him and immediately find out what the “plan” was.

I sat Clyde’s phone face down on the sink and felt the bulge of my own phone in my back pocket as I unzipped my pants. Whatever, I could check that later. Nothing nearly as interesting was on my phone, compared to Stan’s messages on Clyde’s. 

When I was finished, I washed my hands and dried them on my jeans. Neither of us had been considerate enough to get into pajamas before falling asleep. It was an unspoken rule for us to lend our pajamas to each other whenever we had sleepovers- most of the things I slept in were oversized anyway, perfect for Clyde- but that tradition probably ended now.

I picked Clyde’s phone back up and turned the bathroom light off. I could always try to get Kyle in my pajamas. Seeing him in my clothes would be fucking adorable. While I was walking back to Clyde’s room I bumped into someone and almost had a heart attack.

“Craig,” the person said. It was Clyde’s dad. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare ya.” 

I took a step back from him, looking up at what would’ve been his face, if I could see anything. “Thank you for bringing my Clyde back,” he said again.

“Huh?”

“I mean, since yesterday, he’s been eating dinner again. And talking to me.” I knew Roger was smiling now, slightly lopsided, his faint double chin making an appearance. “That’s because of you. I know it is… whatever that fight was about, I’m glad it’s over.”

Clyde’s phone still in my hand, I wanted to push past him and lock Clyde’s door and never see him again. Adults, especially parents, annoyed the shit out of me. And what was he talking about? I didn’t “bring his Clyde back.” He still had other friends to talk to, and how would Roger know that Clyde and I fought unless Clyde told him?

It was my turn to smile. I imagined Clyde sitting on Roger’s bed and telling him all about what I said in the hallway on the day we fought. It was sad to know that he was still telling his own father about all of his life problems, but cute, in a way. “Yeah. Uh, I… he came around. I’m glad he’s feeling better.”

“Sorry for scaring you. I just worry about him,” Roger dismisses. I stood there for a few minutes, thinking again about the messages from Stan on Clyde’s phone, before I reached out to make sure I didn't run into Roger trying to get back into Clyde’s room.

He was gone.

I felt Clyde’s doorknob and twisted it, pushing it open, careful not to wake him up even if he was a deep sleeper. I sat his phone back down on the dresser and climbed back over him, laying down in the place I originally woke up in.

Clyde has not moved a muscle since I left. Suddenly, I’m happy for him. Happy that we’re friends again, and that he’s eating with his dad at the dinner table like a normal person. Happy that his room is clean. Happy that whatever Stan is urging him to do, he’s not falling for it.

I put Clyde’s hand back on my chest, where it was when I woke up.


	19. Chapter 19

Laying in Clyde’s bed and staring at him as the sun rose and glared through the window became boring. I hopped back over him and grabbed his phone from the dresser, sitting down on the carpet and turning it on. 

I re-read Stan’s messages a few times over and shook my head. I was a complete idiot, and I knew what was happening now. Clyde told Stan that he liked me- or Stan found out that information by himself- and now Stan was trying to aid Clyde in winning me over. I groaned and let his phone fall through my fingers and onto the floor. It landed with a soft thud. That was their plan, and I had been wrong last night. 

I wondered why Stan cared enough to try and get Clyde and I together in the first place, but I already had it figured out from seeing the two of them talk in the hallway. Stan hated me, and thought getting Clyde and I on speaking terms would mean our “gang” would form again. Then I would be out of his friend group.

But then there was Kyle. I wasn’t just going to leave him because I was friends with Clyde. I sat with Kyle at lunch even when I wasn’t fighting with Clyde. What would his plan be then? Would he try to break the two of us up? I thought so- Stan was always jealous of Kyle and I. He wanted Kyle’s attention all to himself again, but there was no way I was letting that happen.

The mattress squeaked from behind me as the alarm clock on his bedside table started blaring. I picked Clyde’s phone back up and set it on the dresser again, hoping he wouldn’t suspect anything. If he did suspect I looked through it, I could just ask about Stan’s messages to him, and that would settle it. He would have to explain, and then he’d be mad at me again for looking through his phone. Both of us would be in trouble then, because there was no way he’d believe that I read his text messages on accident.

Clyde let out a low groan. I turned around to face him, watching as he shoved his head into a pillow. “Hey,” he said, muffled.

“Hi, Clyde.” I wanted to talk about him liking me, but I knew he would either become distant and avoid me- or get angry at me- so I didn’t say anything. “Sleep well?” I smacked the snooze button.

“My teeth hurt and I have to pee and there’s…” he trailed off, letting out another groan. “I can’t get up.”

Ever since kindergarten, Clyde always had a hard time getting out of bed. Even when Token and I would hit him with pillows, he wouldn’t get out of bed for anything. Food worked, but only sometimes. “Have fun with that.”

It took him a while to get out of bed, but once he did he went straight to the bathroom and then to the kitchen to grab chips. In my mind, I was still burning to ask him questions. Questions about his feelings towards me, and those messages from Stan, and what made him decide to start talking to me… it had to be Stan, I knew that, but what exactly was his motive? Was he really unable to stand the fact that I sat at his lunch table? Dating his best friend from preschool? Or did he feel bad for Clyde, and out of the kindness of his heart, decide to convince Clyde to talk to me again?

It was the first two. Stan didn’t care about Clyde, he just wanted me gone.

Clyde came back through the door and smiled at me, a family-sized bag of Doritos in his hands. “You want some?” he offered, ripping the bag open with his hands. “Oh. What time did you wake up?”

“Three AM.” My gaze followed him as he sat down on his bed and started shoveling Doritos into his mouth.

Clyde nods. “What did you do the whole time?”

I shrug. Half of the time was thinking about Stan’s texts and staring at Clyde’s face, the other half was playing games on my phone. “Talked to Kenny.” A lie. I didn’t even know if Kenny was up, and if he was, the service around his house was probably too shitty to hold a text conversation for three hours. 

Clyde nodded. “He’s cool.” He stared down at the carpet and ate more Doritos. “The whole time, though?”

“No. I mean, I did other stuff.”

“Okay.”

Conversation had gone pretty dull after that. I was pretty much stuck in the clothes I wore to school yesterday, but it didn’t bother me. I always wore jeans and a random coat to school. While Clyde changed, I brought up the book report again, and listened as he promised to work on it during study hall.


	20. Chapter 20

After spending the night at Clyde’s, my parents didn’t make a big deal out of it being a school night after calling Roger to see if I was there. And now that Clyde and I were talking again, people stopped bugging me to apologize.

That morning on the bus, I picked up where we left off on the audiobook and finished it. I was just starting my essay during geometry class when Stan got up from his seat. I didn’t care about Stan, so initially I ignored it, but I could see him making his way to Clyde’s desk. That got my attention.

The teacher had given us two worksheets to finish, and said when we completed them we could talk. Token and I had paired up so naturally we finished early. Token was reading a book. Stan and Kenny were together, and there was no way either of them were smart enough to finish the problems together. Not that it mattered, because Stan and Clyde were talking near the front of the room. Again.

I grabbed a wooden pencil from inside my desk and made my way to where they were standing so I could see what they were saying. If either of them asked why I was lingering, I could say I was going to sharpen my pencil.

When I passed by them, both of them kept quiet. How annoying.

“Hi, Clyde,” I said stiffly, eyeing him. Clyde smiled and waved at me, probably trying to get me to leave.

Stan stared at me too, though he didn’t say anything. “Talking about something important?”

Neither of them answered. Clyde looked mildly afraid, and Stan’s face was expressionless. “Boys. Sit down and do your work,” the teacher snapped from her desk at the front of the room. I rolled my eyes and walked over to the pencil sharpener, trying to think of a way to figure out what they were saying.

Clyde had touch ID set on his phone, which meant I couldn’t unlock it unless I had his fingerprint. The flaw with touch ID and face ID was the fact that you could open anyone’s phone as long as they were sleeping or unconscious. Looking through their texts wasn’t exactly ideal, mostly because I wouldn’t be able to have Clyde over at my house until Friday (stupid parents), but also because I wanted to know what their conversation near the water fountain was about. 

The only people that knew what the plan was were Stan and Clyde. I wondered if Kyle or Kenny knew, but it was unlikely. Still, something was going on, but I wasn’t sure I could trust Kenny or Kyle to help.

If I asked Clyde about it, it would scare him off. But if I asked Stan, he…

“Craig! Your pencil is sharp enough by now!”

I took my pencil out of the sharpener and let it drop into the trash can beneath it. Sullenly, I made my way back to my desk, my train of thought interrupted by her scratchy voice. 

Stan. If I asked him what was going on, he would lie, or pretend nothing was going on.

As much as I cared about Clyde, not knowing what was going on was killing me, and the last thing I wanted to do was get Kyle and Kenny involved. I wasn’t sure I could wait until Friday or Saturday to look through Clyde’s phone, either.

-

“Sitting with us again, huh Craig?” Token grinned from his side of the table. “I’m glad.”

I gave a half-smile, not enough to be out of character for me. The only reason I wanted to sit with them was to interrogate Clyde. “Stan and Kenny are tired of me,” I lied, making eye contact with Clyde as I did it.

“Stan’s a real asshole,” Clyde muttered, lifting his sandwich to his mouth. That threw me a little off guard. I didn’t expect Clyde to put him down so easily if they were planning something together. Then again, it might not mean anything.

“Yeah, he is. Which makes me wonder why you two are talking all the time.”

Clyde swallowed the bread he’d been chewing, blinking at me. “Uh, I’m.. not talking to him all the time.”

Jimmy tried stepping in again, with a “H-Hey, fellas,” but it was too late for him to stop anything. I had my mind set, and Clyde wasn’t getting out of this one easy. “I don’t know… you aren’t? Looks like you are to me. Near the water fountain, and today in geometry… looked like a serious topic. But I’ll take your word for it.” I glared at him.

“Craig, stop,” Token warned, giving me a death stare. “Stop. You don’t know what it was about.” He shifted his gaze from me to Clyde. “It’s nothing. Right, man?”

Clyde set his sandwich down. “You think I want to talk to him? Seriously?” He was staring at me, his eyes wide. “He’s the one that tracks me down. I try to ignore him. But he won’t stop.”

“What’s it about?” I asked, not ready to give up the subject yet. Clyde could’ve been the victim, but I wanted to find out why Stan was so insistent on talking to Clyde. From the corner of my eye, I saw a few heads shift. Those belonged to Kyle and Cartman. Stan, Kenny and Butters were distracted with something else.

“He-” Clyde started, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because he said he didn’t want you to know.”

I moved my tray closer to the center of the table, letting my elbows rest on the edge. “Why doesn’t he want me to know?”

“Because you’ll, uh.. “

Kenny was watching us now, too. We had none of the girls’ attention, thankfully- they still sat at their own table, even in 10th grade. “I’ll? Spit it out.”

“Don’t p-puh-put preh-pressure on him. Take you-your time.” Jimmy frowned at me, but looked back at Clyde to see what he was about to say.

Clyde glanced over at Kyle’s table- presumably to see if Stan was watching. “He wants you and… don’t tell him I said any of this. Or Kyle.” His voice was lowered considerably from the last time he spoke.

“We won’t,” I assured him. Things always changed, though, and I’d end up confronting Stan about it sooner or later. I think Clyde knew that.

“He wants you and Kyle to break up.” Now that it was out, Clyde didn’t look relieved at all.

“Why?”

“Can’t say.”

Clyde continued gnawing the inside of his cheek. From the other side of the lunchroom, Cartman stood up from his seat. Kyle reached out and tried to stop him, but he was already heading toward us. “What are you fags talking about?” he crossed his arms, as if knowing what our conversation was about was his job.

“Shut up,” I muttered without thinking. “Why can’t you?” I was looking at Clyde now. 

“Yeah, Clyde? Why can’t you?” Cartman mocked, his hands on his waist. “You know, Craig, I thought you were coo. I can’t believe you would date a ginger Jew like Kyle.”

Clyde had shut down completely since Cartman came over to our table. Knowing I wouldn’t get anything out of him as long as Cartman was around, I turned back to my tray and started on a small plastic container of peaches, eating for the first time that day. I would have to pry at him later, or resort to looking through his texts anyway, even if I didn’t want to. 


	21. Chapter 21

The next day at school, Tweek popped up again. Just to be nice, I stopped him in the hallway and asked him where he was for the past few days (and why he had to leave the sleepover early), but he snapped at me and said that if I really cared, I would’ve texted him. I tried explaining that with all of the Clyde drama, I was distracted, but he wasn’t buying it. He probably knew the truth. I didn’t like thinking about him that much, especially since we broke up. Still talking to my ex wasn’t at the top of my priorities.

After asking Clyde why he was talking to Stan at lunch the day before, I decided to give him his space and let him calm down before asking about it again. Both of us were walking home, with Token trailing a few yards behind. I figured since we weren’t in school, Clyde wouldn’t be so overwhelmed. Nobody except Token was there to hear us.

“Hey,” I started. “Clyde.” I took my AirPod out- the one he was sharing with me. I decided to keep my comments about his shitty taste in music to a minimum in hopes of getting the truth out of him.

Clyde took his out in return and turned to me. “What? Is this about Tweek? He told me a cousin of his died… that’s why he’s upset,” he said honestly.

“Wow.” I didn’t actually know- or expect- that, but it was good to know. I made a mental note to text Tweek and apologize later. “No, not about him.”

“What?”

Taking a deep breath, I tried to think of a good way to approach it. Pressuring him was a bad idea, but I wanted answers. “About Stan.”

Clyde nodded and swallowed his spit, breaking eye contact with me. “Okay.”

“So… why were you two talking? Whatever it is, I won’t be mad.”

Clyde took his phone out of his pocket and paused his music app. “I really can’t tell you. Because you’ll tell everyone else. I’m sorry.” He was looking at me again, and this time there was actual sadness in his eyes.

“What if I promise not to?”

“You’ll want to take it back. When you actually hear. You… might not tell everyone, but you’ll tell Kyle, and I won’t be able to stop you, and everyone will be mad at me.” He put his phone back in his pocket and turned his head over his shoulder to look at Token, who was watching us now. Maybe he was as interested as I was, or maybe he knew what was going on too. Why did Token have to be fucking in on everything?

“I swear. Pinky promise. Spit shake I won’t tell him, if you want,” I pleaded. “Serious.”

Clyde shook his head. “No. Stan will hate me.”

“You.. care about what Stan thinks? Seriously? The only people he could possibly turn against you are Kyle, and maybe Kenny and Cartman. But you don’t care about them, dude. I won’t hate you. And Cartman already hates you. So what do you have to lose?”

“Craig!” Token yelled. I turned to face him. “Stop.”

Why were Clyde and Token so fucking set on keeping everything secret? “No. I’m sick of this, guys. Why are you keeping Stan’s secret? Why do you care about him?” I asked Clyde again.

Clyde gave me the death stare. “I’ll tell you. But if you tell Kyle, or Stan, or anyone fucking else, this is over. I’m not talking to you again.”

I held out my pinky, looking him dead in the eye. Clyde reached out and took my pinky in his own, shaking his head at me. Token huffed from behind us. “You don’t have to tell him. Whatever it was, it was between you and Stan.”

Clyde shook his head. “He deserves to know. Um…” he started, looking down at the sleek sidewalk, wet with melted snow. “Stan wants to break you and Kyle up.”

“Yeah… you told me that. But why?” I asked, sure I already knew the answer. Clyde liked me, wanted to get with me, and it was good for Stan too, because he hated me and wanted me out of the friend group. But I wanted to hear it from the horse’s mouth.

“Because. He likes Kyle.” Clyde looked at me again. “Don’t tell Kyle. Or I’ll hate you.”

The realization hit me like a truck. Stan  _ did  _ like Kyle. It was no wonder he hated me for “no reason…” it was because I stole his crush right out from under his nose. He always tried a little hard to make Kyle laugh, and to touch his hair, and comfort him when he had a bad day…

Fuck.

“Oh shit,” I whispered. “That makes sense.”

Clyde nodded. “Well, you know now. Please don’t tell Stan I told you. Please.”

“Why do you care, though? Still? You even said Stan was an asshole yesterday.”

His face turned red. “Because!” he blurted, clenching his fists. “Stan is a human too! It’s for the same reason you didn’t want… want me to find out about Kyle! Because he told me, and it was a  _ secret,  _ and it needs to stay a fucking secret. I only told you because you wouldn’t shut up.”

He stopped to breathe. Token had gone silent, and he seemed shocked by the news that Stan liked Kyle too. “Yeah, Craig. I know. I’m a hypocrite. Blah blah blah. I realized I was wrong. But don’t tell Kyle. I swear,” he pleaded again.

“I won’t,” I whispered, reassuring him. That was the partial truth. I wasn’t going to tell Kyle right away… I suspected he already knew, because he was so close to Stan and all. But would Kyle be better off with Stan than with me?

Clyde nodded, pursing his lips together until they turned white. I stared at his flushed cheeks and red nose, wondering if they were from the blistering cold or being pushed so hard to tell someone else’s secret. “I’m sorry. Sorry that I, uh, pressured you into telling me. I thought it was something worse. But I won’t tell Kyle.” The truth would come out of me eventually- it would slip out when Kyle and I sat together at lunch, or when we were on the topic of Stan. I was normally good at keeping secrets, but this was Kyle we were talking about. The person I was  _ dating. _

“It’s fine. I get it,” Clyde whispered back. “I’m glad you’re not mad at me though.”

“You guys are so cute.”

“Shut up, Token.”

The three of us fell silent, but I was overwhelmed with the feeling that we were all… united again. I smiled to myself. The secrets were gone… most of them, at least. “Hey, you guys wanna come to my house again? And Jimmy and Tweek, if Tweek doesn’t still hate me.”

“Sure,” Token said immediately. Clyde only nodded, and I gave him some leeway. He was probably lost in his own thoughts now.

“Yeah. If my mom makes pizza again, don’t get the pizza sauce all over my dresser. Fucker.” I glared at Token teasingly.

“Oh, shut up. That was not me,” Token denied, smiling.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the hiatus, had family/holiday/doctor stuff

After learning about Stan’s crush on Kyle, I started paying closer attention to the two of them, and the way Stan acted around him. Things changed a lot in my mind, and I started to feel like maybe I didn’t care about Kyle enough. Maybe I wasn’t appreciating him. I definitely wasn’t giving him as much attention as Stan was, and I wondered if Kyle would be happier with him over me. 

I wasn’t going to give up on our relationship just yet, though.

Once again, I wondered if they really would be good together. They got along better than Kyle and I did most of the time…

That day, I was sitting in my English class in a desk across from Clyde as I watched Kyle and Stan tease (flirt with) each other. Stan was reaching across the aisle and poking Kyle in the gut and tickling him in the armpit and Kyle was shoving him away and giggling with one hand covering his mouth. It was fucking adorable, and I was only a little mad that Stan was the one making him laugh like that. But I knew Stan was doing it on purpose, and somehow that made me feel better about the whole thing. Once Stan got Kyle and I to break up, he was going to swoop in and comfort Kyle in his time of need.

At least Kyle would have someone when the inevitable happened.

“Do you wish that I hadn’t told you?” Clyde spoke.

I tore my eyes away from Kyle and focused on him. Clyde was upset over something. He had his hood up, but only one AirPod in, and he had his arms crossed. “I can see that you’re… jealous. I can’t believe you didn’t see it before though.”

Pretending it didn’t affect me, I shrugged. It pissed me off only before I found out about it… and now, I saw Stan differently. He wasn’t such a bad person. He didn’t hate me just for existing. He hated me because I had what he couldn’t get, and now he was going to steal Kyle from me. “It’s fine. I mean… I can’t blame Stan for liking him,” I smile. “He’s cute.”

Clyde shook his head and looked away. “Not really.”

“Yeah? How come he has so many bitches then?” I asked.

“Huh?”

“Me, Cartman, Stan, Kenny.. all thirsting over him.” Most of that was a joke, but Cartman obviously had a thing for Kyle, and Kenny had a thing for everyone. “I think they’d be a better couple,” I said honestly.

Clyde seemed surprised. “Yeah? Why do you think that?”

“I dunno.” I glanced back over my shoulder at Stan and Kyle. Nobody was listening to us, thankfully, so we were free to say whatever. “Our relationship feels kind of forced. I feel like they would work better.”

“Oh… really? Are you going to break up with him?”

Trying to think of a way to avoid the question, I turned on my phone and mindlessly scrolled through the unread notifications. The truth was, I hadn’t really decided yet. I liked Kyle, but it wasn’t going to last. There was a part of me that knew it, and I knew after Kyle and I were over, Stan would take my place. So…

I shrug. “You think I should?”

“It’s your relationship. You still like him, obviously.”

Ignoring him, I started staring at Stan and Kyle again. It just seemed so right- the two of them together. Best friends since preschool. Kyle was there for Stan’s emo phase through fourth grade and middle school, and through his depressive episodes, and Stan was there when Kyle’s dad had that heart attack in 8th grade, and all the times Cartman pissed him off.

It seemed weird to give up on Kyle, but I knew it was the right thing. “I’ll break up with him. Not right now. I don’t want him to be in a shitty mood for the rest of the day… maybe I’ll do it after school. So Stan can comfort him and make out with him or whatever.”

“Wait. What? You shouldn’t break up with him just because Stan likes him, dude. If you like him you need to fight for him.”

I studied Clyde’s face. Nothing he said was forced, which surprised me. Didn’t Clyde… like me or something? Wasn’t that what the whole thing during the camping trip was, and the drama surrounding me getting with Kyle?

So why was he advocating that we stay together?

“No. They would be happier together.”

“But what if Kyle is happier with you?” Clyde said, propping his elbows up on his desk. “You talk about him so much. He makes you happy. And Kyle likes you.”

I shrugged again. No matter how much sense Clyde was making, in my gut, Stan and Kyle being together was right. Not me and Kyle. It was never supposed to be us.

By that time, I had my mind made. I was going to break up with Kyle after school, and if Stan shoved it in my face, then whatever. Fine. As long as Kyle was with the right person, everything would be okay.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate the title of this fic so much, what should i rename it to??? also, thank you to everyone who is commenting/leaving kudos, if i don't respond to your comment it's because i don't know what to say lol

I decided to break up with Kyle that day after school. Since it happened, Kenny, Butters, and Stan constantly averted their gaze from me in the hallway. Everyone treated me differently. Even the girls.

The only thing that stayed the same was my friend group. Clyde, Jimmy, and Token supported my decision. Tweek didn’t speak to me about it, and I guessed he was still mad that I didn’t text him when his cousin died.

During class, Stan spent most of his time rubbing Kyle’s shoulders and asking if he was alright and giving me a dirty look. I knew the dirty looks didn’t mean anything- this was what he wanted all along, but for him, I knew it was good to act like he was pissed at me to gain points with Kyle.

Leaving school that Friday, I purposefully bumped into him and made him drop all of his shit. “You better thank me. And treat him right.”

Stan stared at me, wide-eyed and mouth gaping. He knew. Nodding, he bent over to gather all of the papers and books that had spilled out of his arms. I left the classroom, hoping him and Kyle would get together soon.

-

“So, you holding up alright?”

Token was sitting on my bed again, staring at me with his head tilted. When I didn’t answer, he went on. “You know, the Kyle thing. If you need to talk I’m here.”

“I’m fine. They need to get together,” I said. Kyle and Stan were stuck in the flirting stage, and I wondered if Stan had been “flirting” with him before Kyle and I got together. If he was, he was doing a bad job at it. Watching Kyle as the days passed, it seemed like he wasn’t picking up on any of Stan’s hints. But Stan knew Kyle was gay now. He needed to make a move. A real one, not just putting his arms around Kyle’s shoulders in the hallway and pussy shit like that. Although I wasn’t one to talk- Kyle had been the one to ask me out that night, or at least confess first.

Token smiled and laughed. “Yeah. Seems like they’ve been dancing around it forever, huh?” 

“Guys?”

My eyes shot to the doorway. It was Tweek, standing in the corner of my room. “Hey Tweek,” I said, wondering what was wrong this time.

“Hi.” Tweek frowned and sat down in front of my bed, facing the doorway now. “Where’s everyone else?”

“They’re all coming. We’re just early. Hey, are you alright? I know your cousin died and all, and I’m sorry, but it seems like there’s something else.” Token pulled his legs up onto my bed and crossed them.

Tweek shook his head furiously. “No. Just the cousin.”

Something odd struck me with the words he used. Just _the_ cousin. It wasn’t grammatically incorrect, but who would refer to a death that way?

Jimmy showed up next, and Clyde last, as always. I was glad to hang out with everyone again, but my mind was constantly wondering. From Clyde, to Tweek, to Kyle and Stan. I had to do something about Clyde, I knew that, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings or fuck things up. And I wasn’t sure if he even liked me in the first place.

-

“Craiiiiig,” Clyde snickered. “You idiot.”

It was me, Clyde, and Tweek who were playing this round. Nobody had a better idea, so we ended up playing video games like last time. “Why would you run _into_ the grenade?” he teased, jabbing me in the side with his elbow.

“Shut up.”

Tweek, who had been leaning close to the screen and chewing on the inside of his lip (a nervous tic for him) suddenly dropped his controller. “My parents a-are getting a divorce!” he blurted, pulling his legs to his chest.

I turned to look at him. “Oh, shit,” Token muttered from somewhere behind me. “Are you okay?” he asked, coming down off of my bed and sitting next to Tweek. 

“I’m _fine,”_ Tweek muttered, an obvious lie. He pulled at his hair, something I hadn’t seen him do since before the camping trip. “I j-just… hate… lying.”

“You don’t have to lie to us,” I spoke up, setting my controller down and moving closer to us. “It’s okay.”

Clyde and Jimmy followed suit, and the four of us were gathered around Tweek. “I don’t know, it s-seemed like there was so much attention with… with Clyde and Kyle and C-Craig that… I couldn’t…”

“I-Ih-It’s okay.” Jimmy reached forward and stroked Tweek’s shoulder. “All that’s over nuh-now.” Token nods in agreement with his statement.

“No it’s not!” Tweek yelped. “Clyde still likes C-Craig! And it’s obvious! And everyone is avoiding me!”

I turned to look at Clyde. His face was bright red, and he avoided eye contact with me, but he didn’t defend himself or say anything about Tweek’s comment. So it.. was true.

“Well, that doesn’t mean you can’t tell us what’s going on in your own life,” Token said, brushing past the fact that Tweek just said Clyde liked me. “We still care about you. And we’re not avoiding you. If anything, you’ve been avoiding us- but that’s fine. If you need time for yourself, we get it.”

Tweek nodded, blinking, probably trying to process it. “Thanks. Thank you guys.”

“Of course,” Token assured him.

The entire room went silent. Tweek looked around nervously. “Oh n-no, I made everything awkward! Argh!”

“No you didn’t,” Token said again. “It’s fine. Are you hungry, Tweek?”

“I… I guess,” Tweek muttered, still frazzled.

Token stood up. “Cool. Let’s go bother Craig’s mom.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> giving tweek some love in this chapter. still need a new title for this fic, if anybody has an idea i'll be glad to listen!

That night, it was taking forever for me to fall asleep. Usually if I stayed up late, it took me only an hour or so to nod off, but I’d been lying awake for three hours, tossing and turning and daydreaming and getting lost in my own thoughts. 

I knew the container that I put my mom’s sleeping pills in after I stole them was empty, which meant I had to go to the bathroom and dig in the medicine cabinet. Usually she kept them in her nightstand, but there was a small chance there was a half-empty bottle in the bathroom.

It was pitch black inside my room, so I had to be careful. Making the least noise possible, I pushed my blanket aside and stood up, looking down at the ground and trying to avoid stepping on anyone’s throat.

Just when I thought I was in the clear, I tripped over something and fell on my face.

“Ack! Wh-... what?” Tweek yelped.

I picked myself up off of the floor. “Shh. Just me.”

I waited for Tweek to say something, but he didn’t. Turning the doorknob, I left my room and went across the hallway to turn the bathroom light on.

“Craig.”

He ended up following me. I cracked the bathroom door so that the light wouldn’t shine into my bedroom and wake everyone up. “What? Sorry, were you asleep? I didn’t mean to trip over you.” We weren’t whispering, but talking in low voices.

“No. But I w-want to talk to you. Unless you have to go to the b-bathroom first. Sorry.”

Tweek wanted to talk, and there was only a few hours before everyone else would wake up. I considered my options and decided it would be smarter to ditch the sleeping pills and stay up late with Tweek. Plus, I wanted to know what he wanted. “I don’t have to.” I turned the bathroom light off and stepped closer to him. “We should go downstairs so we don’t wake anyone up.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, grabbing the handrail and making his way down to the living room. Once both of us were downstairs, I turned on a table lamp and sat on the couch.

“I just want you to know I don’t ha-hate you,” Tweek started, sitting down about two feet away from me. “After breaking up with me.” He started chewing on his fingernail, something I’d never seen him do before.

I nodded, watching his teeth work around his thumb. “I don’t hate you either.” That was the truth. Tweek could be kind of a bother sometimes, but it wasn’t his fault he was like that. 

Tweek nodded back furiously. “I don’t l-li-like you a-anymore, but thanks for, being… nice to me while we were together. You’re okay? After K-Kyle?”

It was weird, but I actually smiled at that. “Yeah, I’m okay after Kyle. I’m the one that broke up with him.” That was the last thing I expected Tweek to want to talk about- our past relationship. I was glad he didn’t like me anymore and was trying to talk things through, even if it made me feel bad for trying to ignore him at school and during the camping trip that seemed like ages ago.

Tweek smiled back at me. I was pretty sure he only did it back because I did, but it was still nice. “Okay. Why did you break up with him?”

That question caught me off-guard. Obviously I only broke up with him because I thought he would be better with Stan, but I had forgotten that Jimmy and Tweek didn’t know the reason. Or they did, and this was a test. I shook the thought away… I was just being paranoid. But Tweek wasn’t there when Clyde told me about Stan, so there was no way he could know aside from asking one of the others.

And Tweek was bad at keeping secrets.

I decided not to tell him Stan is involved, for Stan’s sake. “Someone else likes Kyle, and I thought they would be better together.”

Tweek studied my face for a moment, before widening his eyes in realization. “Kenny? Or Stan?”

“No. I’m not telling, but when they get together you’ll see.”

He looked away. “Ok-k-kay. Gah, so weird… I never saw you and Kyle getting together in a million years.”

“Me neither.”

Tweek made eye contact with me again. “Well, it was nice talking t-to you. Um… maybe things can be less awkward now,” he said with a sheepish smile. “A-And I think you should give him a chance.” Tweek stood up.

“What?”

“With Clyde,” he confirmed. Tweek was already back at the stairway with his hand on the rail. “Give Clyde a ch-chance. He really likes you.”

I stood up. “Uh,” I started to protest, but Tweek was already gone before I could get anything out.


	25. Chapter 25

When my hand started burning from writing too much, I let go of my pencil and leaned back in my seat. “You could help, you know,” I muttered, turning to look at Clyde. He was also leaning back in his seat, his AirPods in as usual.

“I could. But then the result wouldn’t be as good.” Clyde grinned.

“Well, it’s a team effort. It’s not supposed to be good if it’s coming from you.”

He frowned. “Hey.”

Silence settled between us. The rest of the class were either talking, or on their phones, or both. I figured everyone was either finished or pretending to be finished so they could talk.

My eyes settled on Stan and Kyle near the front of the room, next to the whiteboard. They were one of the few groups actually working- Kyle did the writing, a pencil in his hand, while Stan sat next to him and told him what to write. 

“They’re so stupid,” I muttered, loud enough for Clyde to hear but not loud enough for anyone else to listen in.

“Yeah. You’re right,” Clyde said, sounding disappointed. I turned and looked at him, but he was staring straight ahead at them.

I sat up straight in my desk. “Dude.”

“...What?” He was looking at me now.

“If you’re gay, you can tell us. Er, me.” I didn’t know where that came from, but I meant it. Everyone in our friend group knew he liked me, and there was no point in hiding it.

Clyde crossed his arms. “Just because you and Tweek and Kyle are doesn’t mean everyone else is.”

“Clyde.”

“Craig.”

“I won’t be mad if you are. The only person you’re going to get shit from is Cartman, and nobody cares about him anyway.” Why would he deny it? Even Tweek knew Clyde liked me, and Tweek was totally oblivious sometimes.

Clyde shook his head. “Why don’t you draw your stupid Star Wars stuff? Or, y’know, work on the paper? That we’re getting graded on?”

I grabbed my pencil again, but didn’t do anything with it, just held it in my hand. “Tweek knows. I think it’s time for you to come out.”

“Shut up,” he whispered, looking away. His arms were still crossed. “I don’t know.”

He didn’t know? “You don’t know what?”

“That I am, okay? What if I’m just confused? What if I’m not and then I tell people and it turns out to be wrong?” he said, raising his eyebrows.

“Well, if you’re questioning, then you probably are-”

“Shut up, Craig.”

I shut up, but I continued staring at him.

“I don’t want to talk about this here,” he told me. “We can talk later. When people can’t listen in.”

“Okay. You want to come to my house?” 

Clyde broke eye contact and looked ahead at Stan and Kyle again, who were giggling and shoving each other. “Sure.”

-

Clyde laid on my bed, staring up at the ceiling in silence. That was the first thing he usually did when he got to my house- lay down. Neither of us had spoken to each other yet.

I was sitting on the edge of my mattress, staring at him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he muttered, turning on his side to look at me. “Sorry. School just sucks. And I’m tired.”

Normally I wasn’t this nice, but something was off with him. “You can take a nap if you want. We don’t have to talk now.”

Propping his head up with his elbow, Clyde smiled. “No. I’m not tired-tired. Just tired. Uh…”

“So what’s wrong with school?” I asked, kicking off my shoes and laying down across from him. “Aside from the work.”

Clyde blinked, almost as if he didn’t have an answer to my question. “It just sucks. Like.. everyone thinks I’m a crybaby. I mean. I know they always have since preschool or whatever, but that fight that we had? They…” he said, pausing. “Nevermind.”

Something told me not to ask what he was about to say. “Why do you care what they think?”

“Because I see them every day. I can’t just not care like you, Craig.”

That was fair. “So what if you are, dude?”

He shrugged.

Neither of us spoke for what felt like forever. Finally, he closed his eyes. “I wish we could be like Stan and Kyle.”

“What?”

“Not in that way,” he said quickly, opening his eyes. “Just… they’re so close. They’re better friends than we are. And when they get in fights, Kyle accepts his apology and they’re friends again like nothing ever happened. But I still feel like you and Token and Jimmy hate me.” I could already see the tears coming. He wiped them away with his sleeve and sniffled. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

I moved closer to him and pulled him off of the mattress, wrapping my arms around him. Hugging wasn’t my thing, but he needed it. “I don’t hate you,” I said softly. “It was my fault too. Everything that happened. I shouldn’t have left you out when I started talking to Kyle. I guess I was just annoyed with what you did on the camping trip or whatever.”

“It was that?” Clyde asked. He wasn’t hugging back, too busy wiping his eyes again. “I thought it was something else. You acted like everything was fine when we were talking that night and making s’mores. I thought I did something when we went back to school.”

“No, it wasn’t. I’m sorry.”

Clyde nodded, hugging me back and letting his forehead droop down to my shoulder. “Me too, dude.”

I reached up to where his shoulders were and started rubbing them. “We can act like nothing happened, if that’s what you want.”

“No. Let’s just not fight again. I cried that Friday when you yelled at me.”

“And you told your dad about it,” I teased, jabbing him in the side.

Clyde sniffled again. “What?” he asked, moving his head away to look me in the eyes.

“You told your dad we had a fight.”

Clyde shook his head and punched me in the shoulder. “Whatever, dude. So what if I did?”

“Sorry,” I said, smiling. “It’s just cute.”

“How is it cute?” Clyde looked offended, but I knew he wasn’t seriously angry.

“Just is. I finished our paper last period,” I mentioned. “Thanks for helping.”

Clyde smiled and rolled his eyes. “Let me see it.”

I let go of him and stood up, grabbing my backpack from the corner of the room where I’d slung it off earlier. Setting it down on the bed, I started digging through it. “Here.”

He took it in his hands and started reading, flipping the page after a while. “It’s good,” he said, handing it back to me. “You’re really smart.”

“...You’re smart too, though.”

Clyde shook his head again, watching as I shoved the paper back inside my backpack. “I couldn’t even pay attention to the book. The whole time I was laying there, I didn’t listen to a thing. So yeah. I’m not smart.”

“You’re just street smart, dude.” I zipped my backpack up and pushed it off of the bed, sitting back down. “You wanna take a walk?”

“Where?”

“Stark’s Pond? I don’t know.”

Clyde huffed. “That’s too far away.”

“Dude, it’s like, half a mile… whatever. You want to play video games?”

“No,” Clyde said, stretching his arms out. “That nap sounds pretty good right now, actually. Goodnight.”

As he threw his jacket off and started getting under my blanket, I pretended to be angry and glared at him, but let him do it anyway. Clyde was an idiot if he didn’t think I would draw all over his face with a Sharpie marker after he fell asleep.


	26. Chapter 26

“Hey, Craig,” Clyde called from the bed.

While he slept, I did homework at my desk, taking breaks every so often to watch a show called Stargate on my laptop. My parents watched it a lot before I was born, so they had it playing in the living room pretty often. It was kind of like a comfort show for me, even if it had really shitty effects and got boring sometimes. “Yeah?” I asked, before turning around and seeing the dick I drew on his face after he fell asleep. I held back a laugh.

“...Uh, how am I supposed to know?”

“What?” I stood up and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Know what? That you’re gay?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, if you like boys, then… that’s how.”

Clyde sat up straight and rubbed his eyes. “But I like girls. And what if this is just a phase?”

“Dude, being gay is not a phase.”

“But I don’t think I actually like guys. Okay, fine. How did you know? If you’re gay, how did you realize? Or find out?”

Clyde was making everything way more complicated than it needed to be. “I just stared at guys a lot in class. Like… before, it was Tweek and Kyle. I don’t like girls at all, that’s how I know.”

What I was saying clearly didn’t help Clyde at all, because he huffed and shoved his face in the mattress. “God,” he groaned, his voice muffled.

“You can like boys and girls. You know that, right?”

Clyde sat back up and glared at me. “Yeah.”

“Dude. I’m sure Kenny will be happy to experiment with you if you need help finding things out. Just don’t take it out on me that you’re sexually frustrated.”

“Doesn’t Kenny have like, five STDs?” he asked, grabbing his phone from my dresser. “Can you plug this in? I’m at 13 percent.”

I took his phone and stood up, connecting the charger from the other side of the room. “Kenny’s not like, a slut, dude. He’s just horny all the time. And if he has STDs, they’re from people in this school, so you’re not any safer with them than you are with Kenny.” I sat back down on my bed and looked at him seriously.

“Do you have any STDs?” Clyde asked, staring up at me.

“...Why?”

He shrugged. “Just asking. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with Kenny.”

“He doesn’t have AIDS or anyth-...” I trailed off, realizing that he implied he would be more comfortable experimenting with  _ me.  _ “Dude.”

“What? I’m just being honest.”

For once, I decided to seriously consider the situation. If I “experimented” with Clyde, wouldn’t that just mean he would grow more attached to me? Or maybe it was the opposite- maybe he would find out he was straight.

“Why me?” I asked.

Clyde rolled his eyes. “You’re my best friend, that’s why. And I know you wouldn’t tell anyone. And, you’re actually gay, and have experience.”

“Kenny wouldn’t tell anyone either. And he actually likes guys- and has way more experience than I do. I didn’t get that far with Kyle, and you know Tweek is a huge germaphobe.” I paused. Maybe helping him wasn’t such a bad idea. I knew Clyde wouldn’t do the same for me, but did that really mean anything? “Fine. I’ll help.” I felt a pang in my gut. What was that… shame? Regret?

Clyde smiled and scooted closer to me. “Okay.”

I was already regretting my decision, but I knew he wouldn’t leave me alone about it if I backed out. And would it really be so bad? “So what do you want to do?”

“What do people usually do?”

“Kiss.”

Nodding, Clyde put one arm around my neck. “Then let’s kiss.”

I was the one who initiated it, moving forward and pressing my lips against his. It sucked. Clyde was a horrible kisser, moving way too fast and kissing way too sloppily.

“Dude. Ew. You’re bad at this.”

He didn’t look offended. “..What am I supposed to do, then? Help me.”

“First, you don’t use your fucking tongue. That’s disgusting.”

Sheepishly, Clyde took his hand off of my shoulder. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. You’re learning.” Somehow, I actually felt a little bad for yelling at him. He looked like a lost puppy. “You have to be slow at first, you can’t just go in and start biting people’s lips and French kissing. I don’t understand how your girlfriends put up with this.”

“Okay.” Clyde went in again, and that time it was better, but not by much.

We went on like that for a while, and then I realized that this wasn’t supposed to be me giving him kissing lessons- I was supposed to help Clyde figure out if he was gay. I pulled away from him. “So are you gay yet?”

“I don’t know! I mean, this is just kissing. Kissing isn’t that bad. So I don’t know yet.”

The thought crossed my mind that Clyde was just using the “questioning his sexuality” as a ploy to get me to make out with him. I wasn’t sure if it was true or not, but definitely possible. “What do you think will help, then?”

“We could fuck.”

“No.”

He looked away. “Then… I don’t know.”

I studied Clyde’s face. Why did he look so… sad and needy all of a sudden? But I knew the answer. He liked me. He really liked me. 

My heart stopped in my chest. “Let’s just keep kissing,” I said suddenly, moving closer to him. I wasn’t sure why I had the urge to  _ keep  _ kissing him when I knew that was his plan all along, but I did it anyway.

We made out for a few more minutes until Clyde had to stop for air. He stared at me as he panted, probably trying to think of what to say next.

“I know why you’re doing this,” I admitted to him. “It’s because you like me, right?”

Clyde’s face burned bright red. “Yeah,” he whispered. “That’s why.” I was surprised at how readily he admitted it.

“Okay,” I said back, feeling stupid for not knowing what to say. Why did I bring it up if I wasn’t ready to comfort him or give him an answer? The answer was obvious-  _ no, I don’t like you back, Clyde, sorry _ \- but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Because deep down, there was some part of me that wanted to lead him on. Or was it leading him on if I actually liked him?

Suddenly, I wasn’t even sure of my own feelings. “Is it okay if I just think about it? I don’t want to make a decision… uh, right now.”

“Wait.” Clyde’s eyes widened. “So I have a chance? Like, actually?”

He was right. I didn’t want to get his hopes up, but he was right. “Yeah.” Clyde was cute. He was a bit of an asshole, but the girls were right- he was cute. Attractive.

“Okay,” Clyde said, grinning. “Okay. Wow. Think about it. Don’t be pressured to say yes, if uh, you don’t like me.”

I nodded, trying to process what I just did to our friendship.


	27. Chapter 27

“All of you guys are fucking stupid, and all of your papers sucked.”

Mr. Garrison slammed the stack of everyones’ essays on his desk. “Not one of you have any idea what J.D. Salinger was fucking talking about in this damn book.” He flipped through the packet of papers on top. “Kyle and Stan, you fags said the book was about feminism and how women were treated in the 1950’s and blah blah blah. Well, you’re wrong.” He set their paper down next to the stack. “Craig and Clyde. You said the book was about teenage angst and hating the world around you. Wrong. Cartman and Bebe, you said the book was about how your entire life can change in an instant. Still fucking wrong.” He went on and on, bashing everyone’s paper. Craig was long past the point of being sick of Garrison’s ramblings, and actually started to find them as a comfortable background noise, almost like static.

He turned to look at Clyde, who was sitting next to him, AirPods in. Craig couldn’t  _ see  _ his AirPods, but he knew they were there, concealed underneath his hoodie. Clyde was really good at pretending to listen to his teachers. But not good at keeping secrets, or anything else that required social skills. Poor Clyde.

“And WORST of all was that skank Wendy’s paper. She said that The Catcher in the Rye was about fucking religion. RELIGION, for god’s sake! Who raised you people? Who? The whole thing is about how Holden is such a little pussy virgin because he thinks women have personalities, when they don’t. Did you guys not read that part where he dances with those prostitutes? Or when he gets a prostitute called up to his room? Those two scenes alone prove my entire point, and there’s more!”

Wendy stood up. “Mr. Garrison, what is wrong with you?”

“Don’t interrupt me. I’m teachin’,” he muttered. “The closest anyone came to an A was Token’s paper, where Token said Holden kept fucking up his chances with women. Good job, Token. You’re the only person in this classroom with a fuckin’ brain.”

Craig leaned across the aisle and poked Clyde in the side, then motioned to Clyde’s phone, which was laying flat on his desk. Clyde picked up his phone.

**_Craig: something is up his ass_ **

**_Clyde: Yea!_ **

**_Clyde: Can I come to UR house after school_ **

**_Clyde: Plz_ **

He knew Clyde only wanted to come over so they could make out again. Craig considered this for a moment.

**_Craig: ok_ **

**_Clyde: Cool_ **

**_Clyde: Do my science homework??? :)_ **

**_Craig: dude. you suck_ **

**_Clyde: I would ;)_ **

Turning off his phone, he set it face down on the desk, not wanting to read any more of Clyde’s sexual innuendos. Mr. Garrison was still going on and on about how women were full of shit and horrible and etc.

Someone jabbed him in the arm. It was Clyde, pointing to his own phone now.

**_Clyde: Stan is staring at Kyle’s ass!!!_ **

**_Craig: no he isn’t_ **

**_Clyde: Shut_ **

**_Clyde: *Shit_ **

**_Clyde: Well he was U keep watching him. He will do it_ **

**_Clyde: DUDE HURRY LOOK_ **

**_Craig: christ stan really needs to make a move_ **

“Clyde, stop starin’ at your goddamn phone. This is important stuff that you will need to know. Anyway, this book also proves that all Mexicans are homosexual and pedophiles, because Mr. Antolini was watching Holden in the middle of the night, while he was a-”

“Mr. Antolini was  _ not  _ Mexican! That’s an Italian name! And one incident doesn’t prove that the entire race is like that!” Wendy protested from her seat.

Garrison shook his head. “Goddamn it, woman, would you shut up? I’m being generous and  _ teachin’  _ you! You get a free education!”

“But it’s not free! What about school fees? I’d rather pay money for an unflawed education system than attend a free education system which relies on-”

“Shut up, Wendy!” Cartman cried from where he sat. “Mr. Garrison is right, all Mexicans are pedos.”

Mr. Garrison cleared his throat. “Thank you, Cartman.” He went on, but Clyde had his phone back out by now, careful to text Craig underneath the desk so Garrison wouldn’t yell again.

**_Clyde: Maybe someone needs to tip Kyle_ **

**_Clyde: (You)_ **

**_Clyde: (You should do it just go tell Kyle Stan likes him)_ **

**_Clyde: If they dont work out well then all U tryed to do was help they cant blame U_ **

Craig rolled his eyes. He  _ hated  _ the way Clyde typed, but wasn’t going to correct him.

**_Craig: i already did stan a favor by breaking up with kyle_ **

**_Craig: he needs to do the rest himself_ **

**_Clyde: U know hes a pussy bitch_ **

**_Craig: like you?_ **

**_Clyde: Haaaa yea exactly_ **

**_Clyde: :(_ **

**_Clyde: U would just be helping them out goo tell him_ **

**_Clyde: They will thank U .. when they get married in 10 yrs_ **

**_Craig: nobody who dates in high school ever lasts that long clyde_ **

**_Clyde: Their soulmates idiot_ **

**_Clyde: Look at them lol_ **

He knew Clyde was just pulling at straws, but he looked at Kyle and Stan anyway. Craig didn’t believe in soulmates, but if that was actually a thing, maybe the two of them were soulmates. They fit together so well.

**_Clyde: Like that anime movie_ **

**_Craig: what anime movie_ **

**_Craig: nevermind i dont want to know_ **

**_Craig: are you gay yet??_ **

Craig found himself  _ worrying  _ about the answer. Like, what if Clyde decided he was straight? What then?

**_Clyde: Idk_ **

**_Clyde: Seriousl y how do I know for REAL that I like guys.. is there a test or something_ **

**_Craig: when you think about boys does your dick get hard_ **

**_Craig: do you think about kissing boys a lot_ **

**_Clyde: Dude idk_ **

**_Clyde: I try not to think about it_ **

**_Craig: why not_ **

**_Clyde: Beacause it just feels weird to think about it_ **

**_Craig: maybe you’ll know if we kiss more._ **

He felt embarrassed typing that last message, but he didn’t regret sending it.

**_Clyde: ...Yea maybe I will ;_ **

**_Clyde: )_ **

**_Clyde: Fucked it up sorry_ **

**_Clyde: ;)_ **

**_Clyde: Have u thought about it_ **

**_Craig: i have_ **

**_Craig: we can talk when we’re alone._ **

**_Clyde: Ok!!_ **

Craig turned his phone off and set it face down on his desk, leaning back in his seat and focusing on Mr. Garrison’s wrinkled, aging face. He thought about Clyde.


	28. Chapter 28

Once again, Clyde was on my bed that afternoon. The two of us already made out when we got to my bedroom and now he had Stripe on his lap, ruffling her fur and smiling whenever she purred or squeaked.

I stared at Stripe, watching Clyde’s fingers make small lines through her brown and white patches of fur. “I love her,” he told me.

“Mhm,” I hummed, reaching out to put my hand on her back. 

He let his head rest against my shoulder. “You know, if you said yes to dating me… I could be her dad. We could be a loving family.”

“So you now admit that you’re gay?”

“No. I’m bi, like you said. I thought about it a lot earlier today.”

I put my arm around him, my left hand still resting on Stripe’s back. Watching him from the corner of my eye, I studied his facial expression, wondering what was going through his mind. How he really felt. “Okay. I’m glad you have everything figured out.”

“...Yeah. Me too. Uh, don’t be pressured to make a decision, like, right now. Or soon. Take as long as you want. I’ll wait,” Clyde told me, his hand going limp under Stripe’s chin. “You…” he started, but trailed off before saying anything else.

“Hm?” I asked, turning my head to look down at him.

He audibly swallowed his spit. “You have to like me at least a little bit. You kissed me and stuff. Why would you do that if you didn’t like me?”

“...I never said I didn’t like you.”

“So you do?”

At that point, I wasn’t even sure what either of us were talking about. “You asked me to experiment with you to find out if you were gay. That’s why I, uh, first kissed you.”

“But you wouldn’t have agreed if you didn’t like me at least a little bit. Or maybe you just wanted me to shut up because I’m annoying.” He let out a breathy laugh, breaking eye contact with me to pet Stripe again. “It’s okay. I know I am.”

Why  _ did  _ I agree? “I wanted to help you.” That sounded right. “And I’m not entirely opposed to dating you. You can be sweet sometimes, you’re not always an asshole. Just ninety percent of the time.” I wasn’t going to deny the fact that he was annoying, because, well, he was right.

“...Thanks. You can be sweet sometimes too. And you’re a good kisser.” He lowered his voice and grinned. “And I bet you have a really huge dick.”

“Stop.”

Clyde nodded. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“Why are you so horny all the time?” I mumbled, not really expecting an answer.

“Because I’m around you most of the time. Probably.” He pushed his head further into the crook of my neck, making me grin. What an idiot.

“If we date, and we end up breaking up, do you promise to not make things weird?” I asked, not wanting our friendship to end up how Tweek’s did, even if we got along better now. 

He shrugged. “I can’t promise. I can try, but I’ll cry for a week straight if it happens.”

“At least you’re honest.” Stripe let out a high pitched purr. I gently pushed Clyde off of me and picked her up, standing up to put her back in her cage. I recognized that she was annoyed- she was most likely hungry or thirsty.

“Yeah. And I’m ripped. I can protect you.”

I snorted and turned back around. “Yeah right.”

“Those noodle arms of yours say otherwise,” he smirked, eyeing me.

“You’re a bottom. I don’t want to hear it.” I sat back down next to him. “If I punched you right now you’d get upset and not even fight back.”

Clyde tilted his head, watching Stripe drink water from her feeder behind me. “Yeah, but that’s because it’s  _ you.  _ If someone else hit me I would fight back.”

“Don’t lie,” I teased, grinning and unzipping his letterman jacket. “...Maybe dating you wouldn’t be so bad. Aside from your ego.”

He raised his eyebrows while he shrugged his jacket off. “Yeah?”

“Mhm. You’re cute.”

“...I’m cute?”

“Yep.”

“No. You’re the cute one. I’m the hot one. That’s how it’s supposed to be.” He smiled, making sure I knew he was joking. “Get your facts straight. You like doing laundry and cleaning. Nerd.”

Pretending to be offended, I huffed. “Who said I liked cleaning? I just didn’t want to lay in a two inch layer of crumbs.”

“...So are we together?” Clyde asked on a serious note. “I’ll… if you need help finding out, I’ll help. And I’ll treat you good,” he grinned. “Promise.”

“Psh. I’ll be the one treating you,” I teased. “Yeah. I like you, Clyde. We can be together.” I was glad to finally have my mind made. I wasn’t sure what actually convinced me, but… I was convinced. He really was a pain to put up with sometimes, but so was Tweek when he was worried, and so was Kyle when he was pissy over something Cartman did. I could handle Clyde, I would just have to be careful navigating his emotions.

Clyde grinned and stared at me for a few seconds. “I didn’t expect you to say yes. I really didn’t.”

“...Want me to take it back?” I joked, poking him in the arm.

“No! Don’t take it back,” Clyde said, dramatically grabbing my arm. “Are we gonna tell people?”

“Up to you. I think we should.” I watched him closely, taking in the fact that I would have to put up with his horrible kissing as long as we were together. That made me smile- that was part of his charm, I guess.

He nodded, taking his phone out of his pocket. “You have so many hoes. I’ll tell Token.”

“No I don’t, you’re my only hoe. I thought you wanted to be the pimp though.” 

Clyde hit send and set his phone down. “I’ll be a hoe. For you.” He put his head on my shoulder again.

“...Endearing.”

“I’m serious,” he said with a slight snicker. “Dude, this might be too early but I love you. You don’t have to say it back.”

“But I do love you. That’s why I agreed to date you.”

“Oh,” he mumbled, grabbing my hand. “Okay. Good.”

I smiled and rested my head against his. “You’re cute,” I whispered, watching his smile grow from the corner of my eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! sorry if this fic ended a little abruptly/too short but i honestly couldn't think of anything else to add and craig and clyde deserve to be together after 27 chapters of torture lmao
> 
> thank you to everyone who read, left kudos, and commented! another south park fic is coming soon :)


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